The top ten things I learned while driving in the car with 3 kids and 1 husband in the rain in a small car for 6 hours:
1) You really shouldn’t drink 2 cups of coffee and a diet coke before leaving on said road trip and then expect not to have to stop. Also, you should expect at least one eyeroll from another person at the mention of the necessary stop.
2) If you make a stuffed monkey dance and act crazy for the Little Diva, you must remember that your car windows are not shields from the outside world and passing motorists will see you and nearly wreck their car/truck/SUV laughing. (Sidenote: Truckers will honk. Be ready for it.)
3) Don’t play “Guess what object I am thinking of” with your husband and kids after being in the car for over 4 hours when you are aware that you are in a giddy, smart-ass mood. Some of your answers may not be appropriate for childrens’ ears.
4) Suggesting the quiet game to the kids and then saying that you just know they will never be able to do it better than you will buy you at least 10 minutes of silence to read your book. (Sidenote: Offering a second chance to the first one to talk may enable you to extend the time ever further!)
5) Do not use the words food, hungry, snack or drinks in any sentence unless you are prepared to stop at the next gas station and buy said food, snacks or drinks for the now hungry kids whining in the back seat.
6) IF the kidets in the back seat have been quiet long enough for you to momentarily forget they are there, do not jokingly ask your spouse if you should flash the truckers in a moment of sheer boredom. Trust me. It brings up too many questions that you may not feel like answering.
7) After 793 times of hearing “How much longer” it is perfectly acceptable to just say “2 hours” or “100 miles” no matter how far away you may be. It is easy and they accept it. At first. After that, they just roll their eyes at you. Which is fine. It just means that they are as irritated with you as you are with them. There is balance now.
8) I am a terrible passenger. Terrible.
9) Did I mention that I am a bad passenger?
10) There is no place like home.
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