I have been sitting here for a while trying so hard to come up with a light hearted post. One that would make you laugh or roll your eyes, but one that you would enjoy.

I can’t today.

Not because I am just being lazy or “having a Monday”.

I am just in a state of complete terror and have that backed-against-a-wall anxiety going on today. You know the kind where you can’t sit still. You can’t eat. You are even having a hard time breathing. Yes, that kind. (Oh beloved Xanax? Where are you when I need you?)

Why? We’ve been out of work for almost 2 years. Yes, that long. Somehow, something has always happened and we have been able to get through. I am not so sure that is going to happen now. It seems as if the whole “robbing Peter to pay Paul” business is catching up. It seems Peter and Paul have had a meeting and now everyone wants a piece of us.

No, it isn’t just money that freaks me out. It is life.

Where do you go when you have no options? What do you do when you don’t know what to do? Where do you turn when there is no where to turn?

We have lived in limbo for so long, I know that making some sort of decision will be good for us. The thing is, we have no idea what that decision should be. Frankly, the anxiety of a situation like this is hard on anyone. And really, let’s face it, I don’t have the best coping skills.

Anyway, I am not sure what the point of all of this is except that I thought if I wrote about it and got it off my chest, then maybe I would be able to breath a bit better and not feel this tightness in my chest. But that is not the case. So I am off to find a nice quiet place to have my severe anxiety attack.

Oh yeah, and happy Monday.


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