If you listen to the newscasters or read the paper or even get your news online, it seems that “they” are trying to tell us that the economy is improving and the unemployment rate is dropping (more people are getting jobs!). Okay, so can “they” please tell me where “they” live. Because here, I am seeing friends continually getting laid off. I have friends who still can’t find jobs. I have a husband who has done everything he can to get a job and it just isn’t happening. We are now running into the whole “you’ve been out of the field for too long” song and dance. Ya think? You think that you are telling us something new. You mean, two years of unemployment is a long time??! Thanks there, Mr H.R. Then Why The Hell Did You Interview Him In The First Place Buttmunch. (Do you sense some hostility? Nay, I didn’t think you would.)

So, at any rate, I ask you…do you feel secure in our economy? Are you sure that things are so great that you aren’t the next one to go?

Yeah. I didn’t think so with that either. Bottom line it sucks.

With that rant out of the way, I will tell you more about what is going on here. It is hard to write and isn’t my smart ass self that you may be used to. Just fair warning. But don’t worry, I will find you some amusing antectdote later and post it. Deal? Okay.

I remember hearing a while back a term for college kids who go to college, get a degree, don’t get a job and move back in with mom and dad. No, it wasn’t slacker. I don’t remember. Maybe there is no term for it.

So, what is the term for an adult with three kids who’s been married for 13 years and has to move back? Failure? Pathetic? Loser? Deadbeat? These are some of the terms I have heard my husband use to describe how he has been feeling.

Two years ago we were a family with a six figure income. Today, we are lucky if we get enough to get through the month. Usually we don’t. For so long, I lived in optimism that things would improve. I wouldn’t dare dream of telling anyone had bad it was. What would they think?

I could hear them now: “You? You’re <style that they can’t even imagine yet. Tell them that although they are used to their own rooms, they won’t have that. That at best they will share a room at worst, all of us will share a room. I have to tell them that they have to leave their friends, their school and their way of life. And I can’t even promise them that it will all be okay. Because, like I said, I lost faith that it will all be okay.

(/Sidenote: I am sure that I probably sound like I am whining. Perhaps to you, I am. (I am in fact crying, but I see that as different.) Yes, I do know that I am blessed to have three healthy kids and a wonderful husband. I know that. I am not taking that blessing away. Please don’t think I am taking that for granted. I am not. I know as a family we will be okay. That we are going to make it through this stronger and our children will be better adults because of it. I know this. Just allow me this instance of tears and frustration over the situation, okay. That is all this is. My release and my rant. I need to get it out. Thanks for understanding. /end sidenote)

We are not slackers. We are not looking for a free ride. We have scraped and clawed to do what we can to keep our home and feed our children. We have not decided that we want to continue a lifestyle that we cannot afford. We’ve just decided that we want to continue to feed and clothe our family. My husband has worked his butt of doing remodeling and construction work. Enough to keep the power on, the water running and food on the table. Since I have Little Diva, I have done what I can to make money at home. Oh sure, I looked into working outside the home, but every job I looked at and was considered for, the paycheck exceeded the cost of daycare by roughly $50. So, I found ways to make at least that and more. But not enough. Never enough.

I just saw that my , too. Of course, his post was much more optimistic and upbeat than mine. Perhaps that is what we are learning, too. Only one of us can lose it at a time. I suppose this is my time to be insane. (But you can see why I adore him, can’t you? He is in the good place of acceptance right now. I am working my way towards it.)

So here we sit. On the edge of moving on. Not where we were. Not where we will be. Just holding on tight to each other, ready to plunge into the great unknown.

And it is scary.

And I am not sure that I have the the faith to do it.

But sometimes in life you don’t get the luxury of waiting for the right time, the right situation or the right place. You just have to close your eyes. Take a deep breath.

And jump.

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