I was supposed to go on a field trip with Kidlet Sr. today. I can’t. Why, you may ask? (Go ahead. Ask.)

Well, since you asked, I can’t go because I don’t have anyone to watch Little Diva. I thought I did, but it fell through. So I had to cancel at the last minute. And I feel awful about it.

I feel like I let my kidlet down. I let the teachers down. Heck, while I’m at the guilt, I am sure I let the busdriver, the tour guide and the little old lady across the street down, too. But, of course, it is only the kidlet I worry about.

I try to give all I can to my kids. Then, when there is something (my time) I cannot give to them, I feel guilty. I wonder if I am the only Mom who feels this way. Oh, I am sure I am not.

There are days I flip between wanting to give more to my kids…more time, more patience, more attention, more one-on-one conversations. Then there are days I want more “me-time” and feel like I give all I have to them with so very little left over for me (or my husband).

I wonder if anyone out there has found the balance. Is there a perfect balance where you have given enough to the kids that they feel well loved, stable, happy and have all that they need from Mom and yet you still have enough to give your husband. And better still, enough left over after that for yourself so that you don’t feel neglected, too? Because, really, if you have found the balance, I would love to hear about how you do it.

Because honestly, I haven’t got a clue as to how to keep all of the balls I am juggling in the air. Today is one of those days where I feel badly because I let one of them drop.

I’m sorry Kidlet.

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