I need to learn how to just say no to mood swings. (Yes, dear, I know you agree. We are not talking about how these insane travels through the mind of insanity effect you, though. Don’t look at me with that tone, darling.) So, where was I? Oh yes, my mood swings.
I am really one people who are all about that “Woohooo it is Christmas. Rah rah holiday cheer” and all that yuletide crap. (Yes, I called it crap. Do we really need to get into that right now when I was talking about mood swings?) I just can’t feel it this year.
Oh sure, I can point to several reasons why.
The flu robbed me of time and energy. (Thus resulting in getting days/weeks behind in housecleaning and laundry and shopping.)
Lack of money robbed me of the ability to enjoy the whole “buying gifts for those I love” fun that I enjoy so much. (And while I am there, I have also noticed a short fuse when it comes to my feelings when I hear my friend go on and on about the wonderful things she bought her kids. Yes, I know part of it is jealousy. I am just avoiding that situation all together. Who needs to feel all “green eyed monster nasty person from hell” this time of year?)
And then we have the annual “rip through everything we have in the closet to find an outfit to wear to the formal Christmas Eve service at my parent’s church” ritual. Some years, this is good. This year it made me cry. When I got pictures back from last Christmas, I swore that I would get fit and look good by this Christmas. Guess what. It didn’t happen. So, now I am down on myself about that. Feeling lower than I have about myself in YEARS. As much as I want to blame someone else for this, I can’t. It is all me and my (not)doing that kept me where I was rather than where I want to be. I am not waiting until New Years for some radical change in the way I act and eat and take care of myself. It is starting now. Ready to hold me accountable? Nah, not here. I won’t make this a fitness blog. (I don’t think.) I will probably add an offshoot where that stuff will go. Starting tomorrow. (Since let’s face it, there isn’t a lot I can do at 11:30pm. Oh, gee, it seems I went off on a tanget. Back to the holiday rant. (I must learn to keep my rants more together.)
And let’s not forget the joy of making the long trek down to the family to partake in the fun that is readily available in disfunctional!
So, yes, I guess you could say I am in a bad mood. And I don’t want to be. I DON’T WANT TO BE!
So I am going to tell you about something really good that happened this week.
Sometimes blessings come at times you don’t expect it. In ways you need but would never ask.
I am at home completely flu ridden and miserable when I get a call from a close friend of the family. She asks if I need anything from the store. After hemming and hawing I say, “Maybe a few things, but I can get them tomorrow.”
About 2 hours later I get a call asking if I am up and if I can open the door. There standing on my doorstep are this wonderful woman and her daughter. They have brought boxes (yes, boxes, not just bags) of groceries to me. More than I could use in 3 weeks. Everything from non-perishables to meats to milk and even cold medicine and pain relievers. Even some ice cream and some chocolate. They stocked us up!
Now, this in and of itself is a blessing. What makes it even more special. We were down to next to nothing in the house and in the bank. I was trying to figure out what we really needed to get since it was a couple of days until any money would be coming our way. And there, in the midst of my depressed, flu-ridden day, I was given a full pantry and refrigerator of groceries. Without asking. Without owing. Without any conditions other than love.
So even when my mood swings low and my heart and mind are heavy, I can stop and remember that we are loved. And there are people out there who would give the shirt off their back for someone else. And we were blessed.
In small ways, I am going to pay it forward. Once we are on our feet again, I will pay it forward in a big way. Because truly, as humbling as it is to be on the receiving end of such generousity, it means more than any word or deed could ever show.
If you can, bless someone this holiday season. Show them that they are loved and cared about. You never know what a small gesture could do make someone believe in the goodness of people and restore their faith.