Can we talk about laundry for a minute? No, it isn’t my favorite topic either. But, I figure it is something we all have to deal with right? Unfortunately.

So for a family of five, you would think that if I did laundry everyday I would get caught up. Nope. I think the last time I was caught up on laundry was back in 1994. But, I could be mistaken. That may just be wishful thinking.

So, taking into account that we have 5 people and enough laundry to probably clothe a third world country, I suppose you can say I overwork my washing machine.

And now he is pissed.

He wants to retire. He has refused to allow me to use hot water (just won’t pump it in) and shuts down everytime a spin cycle comes up.

I tried to talk rationally to him, but I just don’t think it worked. (Yes, I talked to my washing machine. Don’t you?) It went something like this:

Me: Hey, listen, I know that you are almost 11 years old which is what, like 87 years in washing machine time, but I really need you to hang in there with me.

Washing Machine (WM): You know, I am pretty tired. I am ready to retire.

Me: Yeah, I know, but you see, we really need you around here. We give you attention everyday.

WM: Oh sure, you do. But do you every say thank you? NO. Remember that time I got that coffee stain out of your blouse? Remember how happy you were. You never even said thank you for that.

Me: You’re right. I should’ve said thank you. But, hey, I do buy you the really nice, fresh smelling detergent, don’t I?

WM: When it is on sale. Listen, I just want to retire. I’ve had it with this hard work day in and day out. Do you know how hard it is to wash your kids clothes and get them clean? Do you know how many rocks they forget in their pockets? That crap hurts!

Me: Sorry. I’ll talk to them about that.

WM: I’ve never led you wrong, you know.

Me: Well, there was that one instance with the red baby sock hidden in the clothes and you made all of the guys have to deal with pink socks and underwear.

WM: Oh sure, remember that one!

Me: Let’s not argue, okay? Will you still work here?

WM: I’ll think about it.

With that, I think we came to an agreement.

I won’t overload him. And he will agree to not shut down everytime the spin cycle comes up. But, I had to let go of my foolish demand that the hot water settings work. He said he was too old for that kinda of abuse. But, what can you do?
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