Let me go ahead and clear up something for the medical community now. If I don’t, I am sure that it will baffle them in years to come. If I don’t explain now, then after I die, and they do an autopsy, they would have to call in experts and scientists to figure out what they have found.
What the hell am I talking about?
Well, it’s like this….everytime I sit down, from another room in the house inevitably will come the cry: “Mommmyyyyyy“. Without fail. So, I have figured it out. There is some unseen device in my ass that sends out some sort of signals to my kids’ brains that forces them to involuntarily call out to me as soon as I sit down (and thus triggering the device.) I am not kidding. Sometimes, just to test it, I will sit down and then stand back up and then sit again. This usually causes some confusion in transmission, thus causing more than one child to scream for me. Now, I am not sure if this is like a sound only heard by children’s ears (like a dog whistle) or if there is some sort of sonar technology involved. It is advanced, though. It has never failed a transmission yet.
So, when I die, and the scientists are baffled, now they can know what they have found. It is my ass alarm.