I have come to a realization. A marital one. I think that people who have been married for an extended period of time…wait, no, this shouldn’t just be for people who have only been married for a long time, but for anyone who has been with their significant others for a long time and have then gotten married…yes, let’s include them too. Wait, where was I? Oh yes, my realization. I think that they should all renew their vows.

Wait! Get back here! I am not being sappy. Really. Trust me and hear me out. Hey, you! Yes, you! The guy running away at the thought of renewing his vows. Come back and listen. Even you may agree with this one.

You see, when you are first starting out, most people have either the traditional vows or ones they have written themselves, but nevertheless (I just love being about to use that word in writing!)…nevertheless, they are sweet, idealistic and romantic. Enough of that!

We’ll use me (and yeah, and that man that I married) as an example. We were young. (Ahhh, the ingorance of youth. Back when I had great hair, a great metabolism and killer abs, but I digress.) I had that fairy tale wedding. Complete with the big dress and bigger hair. We had both of our pastors officiating the ceremony. They told us what to say. And we, being the mindless young parrots that we were, repeated the vows that they decided upon that would bind us together for life. What? Their words…our life?

Now that we’ve been together for…oh, forever, I think that we should renew our vows. Our way. It would go something like this:

I, Clint, take you, Jenn, to be my lawfully wedding wife. To have and to hold and all that other stuff we promised last time.

I promise to sort the socks on laundry day because I know how much you hate that.

I promise to be the one to clean up after the kids when they vomit in the middle of the night since you are a sympathetic puker and we don’t want you to start up with them.

I promise to get your oil changed for you since you ingore that red light that comes on.

I promise to kill or get rid of any bug, rodent or reptile that crosses your path and scares you.

I promise to remember to change the toilet paper roll when we run out so that you are not left with scraps of whatever is left at a crucial moment.

I promise to say that “of course you are prettier than she is” no matter who she happens to be.

I promise to let you hold (and possibly) use the remote control every now and then.

Mine would be:

I, Jenn, take you, Clint to be all that you have been to me over the years and promise all those other things I promised before.

I promise to be the one to handle the middle of the night situations that arise with the children due to nightmares, illnesses (puking excluded) and restlessness and not hold a grudge about lack of sleep (for too long).

I promise to not make you sleep on pink sheets adorned with flowers and ruffles or those awesome flannel sheets that make you feel like you are sleeping in the pits of hell (you really do get hot too easily, though).

I promise to not make you sit through more than one chick flick a month. And to watch more action adventure movies with you.

I promise to take care of our home in the manner to which you are deserving have gotten used to.

I promise not to put my cold feet on you in the middle of the night in order for me to get warm. This also includes cold hands.

I promise to only have a headache once in a while.

I promise to be the one who gains weight, loses her figure and never never wear my old jeans again in order to bring forth life, our beloved children. (Okay, maybe that one isn’t fair, but I figure if I am going to do it anyway, let’s make it a vow. See, that way I can say ‘Yeah, those jeans used to fit, but I am staying true to my wedding vows and can’t fit into them anymore.’)

Don’t you think these vows would make more sense now? In fact, even those who are getting married for a second time should consider these. It can’t hurt. It just might help.

So what would your vows include?

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