Indecision is a terrible thing. I am the queen of being indecisive. I always play the whole game of: Should we? Shouldn’t we? What if…? I really envy people who can just see options, choose one and move on. How do you do that?

These are the crossroads I sit at today:

Do we bite the bullet and move as soon as we can?
If so, where do we move? (only about a trillion options there)
Do I go to school full time or work full time when we get there?
What can we afford? Do we go ultra-cheap or medium cheap?
Will the kids be happy in an area where we are being ultra cheap when they are used to uppermiddle class?
Will I be?

These are just a few. I am completely losing sleep over these things. (This is never good for an insomniac to have MORE reasons to lose sleep!) How do you know if you are making the right decisions?

We have been in limbo for way too long. We keep stressing over the decision making that we are not making any decisions. I am so good at second guessing everything. I think what we need to do is just do it. (Thank you Nike for the temporary use of your slogan.)

I guess I am just scared. But honestly, when I get really quiet about it, I do get excited about the prospect of moving. New people. New places. New friends. New PTA to terrorize. (Although actually, the places will be not quite new since we used to live there. Oh how it boggles the mind!)

I will admit there are times where I get that feeling that I have been there, done that here and that I have been the party guest that overstayed her welcome. Part of that does come from the hell I went through with PTA this year. I don’t blame them as much as I blame myself for questioning everything about who I am now. But still, I do feel like with so much changing, why not location too. This is the longest I have been anywhere other than my childhood home. That was 9 years at the same house. This has been 7 years here at this home. We’ve been in Dallas for 12 years. I’ve never been anywhere this long.

Any advice from you good people? I have never been more afraid to do anything as I am to make this move. Let’s face it. I am not just screwing up my life if the choice is wrong. I am screwing up the kids, too. And Clint. He is freaked about going anywhere jobless. But, hell, we’ve been here for 2 years jobless. NOTHING is happening in his job market. (Yes. That bites!)

Of course, once I find peace about moving I hear things like, “Oh, I hear that the job market is picking up. Something should happen soon.” Or “Would you like to be involved in _____ next year?” And my favorite “But what does that place offer you that Dallas doesn’t?” Or Clint gets a job interview. It just makes me question everything all over again. To the point that today, when the PTA nominating committee called me, I actually stopped and PAUSED before I answerd them. You’ll be happy to know that I left it with “I’ll call you back.” See? I have become spineless in the past 2 years.

And that scares me.

Badly.

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