Nobody nose the trouble she’s seen

Nobody nose the trouble she’s seen

Little Diva has a new nickname. Given to her deservedly by her father. (Is deservedly a word? I mean, I use it, but is it really a word? I think it is. I could look it up, but why? I am sure if it isn’t a word, someone will tell me. So where was I? Oh yeah…the nickname.)

Her Daddy has been calling her Raisinette. Why? Well, because the little darling decided to shove a raisin up her nose today. Do you remember the whole shoe incident?

So I had to call Clint on his business partner’s phone because Clint didn’t have his. (It’s broken. Freakin’ phone)

me: “Hi. This is Jenn. I need to talk to Clint. Sorry to bother you on your phone, but I need to reach him. Is he there?
(waiting while a surprised Clint gets on the phone)
me: “Ummm, are you coming home for lunch anytime soon?”
him: (hesitantly) “Yesss. Why? What’s wrong?”
me: “Well, it is sort of your daughter. Well, ummm, you see… I was just wondering if you were going to come home because….”
him: “What did she do?”
me: “Well, it’s like this. She sort of shoved a raisin up her nose.”
More Silence
me: “Are you there?”
him: (sigh) “I’ll be home in a little while. (defeatedly) Tell her to stop that.”
me: “Yeah. I’ll get right on that.”

Why oh why does this little girl think that things belong up her nose? I mean, are we dealing with a little freak? A gorgeous freak, but a freak nevertheless. I have never had to deal with this sort of “typical toddler behavior” before. Three kids and a bazillion little kids around me in my lifetime. And now, I get the Nose Hoarder?! What’s up with that? (No pun intended!) It’s not like I can take her nose from her. I can’t very well tape it shut. I think I refuse to say “You are no longer permitted to shove anything up your nose.” That ranks up there with “Don’t bite the dog, sweetie.” I have had to say that already. It used up my allotment of Stupid Things Parents Must Say When Raising Kids.

How should I handle this? Who “nose” how I will handle this? (Get it?! NOSE instead of KNOWS. Yeah, it was a reach, but I was there and it had to be done. Forgive me.)

From now on only BIG shoes and Grapes. Nothing small enough to fit in a nose is permitted in this house. Ever. Until she goes to college.


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