Having your house on the market is kind of like living in a crack house. Wait. Hear me out and tell me if you agree.

At a moments notice you have to be able to grab everything that you have out (whatever you were doing) and race out of the house leaving no trace that you were ever there. It must look like no one was actually using the house.

Picture this: We’re all sitting around our with our crack pipe or whatever and someone yells: COPS! We grab up all of our pipes and needles. You do a quick scan to ensure you have all of your drug paraphernalia. We race for the nearest exits, diving out the windows, doors or any exit we can find. Scattering like cockroaches before the cops come through the door. Usually, peeling out in our cars. Trying our best to leave no trace that we were ever in the house.

Now this: We’re all sitting around watching tv or playing GameBoy when someone yells: REALTOR! We grab up our shoes, purse and keys. We slam off the tv. We race for the nearest back exit, tripping over each other and slamming the door as fast as we can. We scatter like cockroaches before the realtor comes through the door. We peel out in our car before they open the garage door. Hoping that we were successful in our attempt to leave no trace that we were ever in the house. (Or that anyone actually lives there!)

See. Having your house on the market is like living in a crack house. I told you so!

—–