I have finally reached a place of acceptance. It is officially summer here. (Screw what the calendar says.) How do I know this? Well, besides the fact that it is hotter than hell on a Tuesday, I have passed that annual ritual that I swear I will never go through again. Yes, the first sunburn of the season.
I am not taking about a sunburn that makes you whine a little at the slight tinge of pink. I am talking about the kind that wakes your huband in the middle of the night to tell you to ‘turn off the light already’ before he realizes that it is not a light, but the radioactive glow of your sunburn blinding him. When you actually can use “the girls” as headlights. (TMI? TDB. )
It’s not as if I can get a sunburn in a place where it will just be mildly uncomfortable. Oh no. I must get one where there is no way to find any comfort whatsoever. Let’ s just say, “the girls” are very angry with me. And do you know there is no such thing as a shirt that does not rub you just under your arm pits? None. At all. Oh, my mistake, there are those tank tops that have the sleeves cut down to your waist. Because, really, I know that everyone would find a middle-aged mom who is giving everyone a peep show quite a thrilling experience.
And then of course we have the Right At The Panty Line burn. Short of hiking your underwear 2 feet up your ass, there is nothing that can be done to avoid this pain. Oh sure, there is always the option of going commando. But really, in Texas? In the summer? In shorts? One word. No. I thought about a dress, but then we are back to trying to figure out what to do with the girls.
For every person who notices your sunburn, you have a different idea of how to take the sting out. I have probably heard them all. I am pretty sure it is just a sick, twisted way for people to see how many times they can get some poor sucker to actually rub the very skin that is causing them more distress than the return of Hanson.
Ahhh, the joys of summer. There is nothing I can think of that shouts: “Welcome to the hell that is summer in Texas” better than a good old fashion sunburn to make you wish you could peel your skin off and throw it in the freezer or at the very least dunk it into a pitcher of ice cold beer.
I think I will now go crawl in the freezer for a while and watch the intense heat radiating off of me melt all of the ice cream.
And yes, before anyone gives me the whole talk about how dangerous this is, I already know. I am not a sun worshipper. I actually really am not a big fan of the sun. It makes me hot, sweaty and tired. Frankly, I am totally an indoor with the air-conditioner on kind of girl. But, with a trip to Florida coming up very soon, I wanted to get some sort of base tan before I went or I knew I would FRY way worse there than I ever would here…no matter what number sun screen I put on. So, thanks for the concern, but I am not out to damage my skin for life.