Full-circle blogging

Full-circle blogging

I was blog-surfing last night and came across a blog that was talking about mine.  It said, “.. does a couple of memes, and gives some love to her favorite bloggers.” There is nothing wrong with that.  That is what I am doing and am just so grateful that she came by to read me.  It is not her assessment of the blog that bothered me.  It was that there wasn’t a “real” post here for her to read.  It was all about memes or other bloggers or the blog world.  It just made me step back and ask…Where is the writing??

I really got lost in thought last night trying to figure out why I started blogging in the first place.  Really digging down to see what my motivation was to keep this going.  Was it so that I can answer quizzes and meme’s?  Definitely not!  Was it so that I can meet other bloggers?  No, but that has been a wonderful gift from all of this.  Was it so that I can make sure the “right” bloggers comment on my site or that I read the “right” blogs?  Nope.  Although I have been known to get caught up in that.  Is it so that I can see how many hits I can get in a day/week/month or how many comments? No, but I have let those things sometimes excite or depress me.

The thing is, I started this so that I can write.  So that I can work on my writing by writing something here everyday.  Something that was more than space fillers.  I started this so that I can have something else to write about other than the book I am working on. 

Yet, it became something that was driven by other factors.  If someone I enjoyed reading didn’t read me or comment, I was upset.  If my hits suddenly dropped, I would lose motivation.  If no one commented on something I really put my heart into, I would feel like I had no business writing.  And if I felt snubbed by another blogger, well, that was just the worst!  Even more than that, I felt like I had to stay upbeat and funny.  If I had something to say, but it wasn’t light-hearted, I would avoid the post.  Not because I didn’t feel it was good enough, but because I felt I had set myself up to be nothing more than the light-hearted fun blog.

When I took a step back and saw that I got more caught up in the “bonuses” of blogging rather than my reasons for blogging, I almost took the whole thing down.  I wanted to start fresh.  New blog.  New name.  New everything.  But I am just not made that way.  I wouldn’t give it a week before I was right there talking about the “old blog”.  So, then I decided to just take a hiatus, but that in itself was a joke.  Yeah, right.  Me? Not read and write?  Not going to happen.

So this is how it stands.  Things may seem bumpy for a bit while I get my footing back.  I am trying to pull myself out of a depression and therefore, I am not going to be all fun and games.  I am going to be real though.  You have that promise.  You may notice some things change.  You may not.  I just wanted to let you know that I am trying to get my focus back to why started this in the first place.  I hope you stay.  I understand if you don’t.


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