Recently we were having problems with our Voice Over IP. (Sounds like I know what I am talking about, right?) So, when there are problems, you put in a call to the tech people, right? And usually, the person putting in the call is the one who knows what the problem is, right? Let’s just say that I was not the one who put in the call. The problem was that we couldn’t receive calls. People calling in would get a recording saying we were unavailable. Calling out was hit or miss for the most part. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not so much. So, I was the one home when the tech people called. (Sidenote: Working as a receptionist in my previous life-before kids- I knew how boring it could be and therefore started a habit of chatting up the people on the phone. Just light hearted talk. It makes the job easier for both of us.) This is what happened with our service calls.
**rinnnnng**
Me: “Hello?”
Tech: (with quite a thick Russian accent)“Yes. Hello. This is Sergei. I am your technical representative for your Voice Over IP. I am calling to test your phone line. Does it work?”
Me: “Well, Sergei, it certainly seems to be working seeing as we are in fact talking on the phone right now.”
Sergei: “Yes. Well, I will be testing your phone with several phone calls. Yes. To see that your phone it does keep working. I will call you back later.”
Me: “Okay, Sergei. I look forward to talking to you later.”
Less than 10 minutes later:
Me:“Hello?”
Sergei: “Yes. Hello. This is Sergei. I am your technical representative for your Voice Over IP. I am calling to test your phone line.”
Me: (getting a bit snarky with him) “I am so glad you called, Sergei. You see, sometimes men promise to call you and you never hear from them again. I just knew you were different than those other men, Sergei.”
He never breaks from his speech. He pauses a bit as if unsure how to proceed or what to say, so he decides to stick with what he knows will work.
Sergei: “Yes. Okay. I see. I will be testing your phone with several more phone calls. Yes. To see that your phone it does keep working. I will call you again.”
Me: “Promise? Don’t tease me, Sergei. I will be here waiting by the phone until we can talk again.”
Sergei: “Yes. Okay. Goodbye.”
10 minutes later
Me: “Hello? Sergei? Is this you?”
Sergei: “Yes. Hello. This is Sergei. I am your technical representative for your Voice Over IP. I am calling to test your phone line.”
Me: “Sergei, darling, I thought I told you never to call me at home. You know how risky that is for us!”
There was much longer pause this time. I know he wanted so badly to say something. I could just tell the way he answered me that although he was amused, he wouldn’t give in to it.
Sergei: “Yes. Okay. I see. I will be testing your phone with several more phone calls. I think we have isolated the problem. I believe that the problem has been fixed now, but I will be calling again.”
Me: “Is it me, Sergei? Did I cause these problems between us? Just tell me and I will fix them. We can make this work.”
Sergei: “Okay. I will be calling one more time to make sure the problem has been fixed. Okay. Well. Goodbye.”
20 minutes later
Me: “Hello? (seeing that it is Sergei on caller id) Sergei? I was so worried. I thought you weren’t going to call. It’s just that it’s been so long. I missed you.”
Sergei: “Yes. Hello. This is Sergei. I am your technical representative for your Voice Over IP. I am calling you to tell you that the problem has been solved. I will not be calling you again. “
*pause*
Me: “So, that’s how it’s going to be is it? Just like that and it is over. Don’t I matter to you anymore? Wasn’t what we’ve shared something special? And now, just like that and it is over. You’re breaking my heart, Sergei.”
Sergei: “Yes. Okay. If there are any problems again, you can just open up a new service order with [voice over IP company]”
Me: “Oh, Sergei, I will miss you so!”
Sergei: “Yes. Okay. Goodbye, my little phone muffin”
*click*
I laughed my ass off! After all the straight faced (toned?) conversations and taking my snarky flirty teasing, he actually showed his sense of humor and got in the last word.
Gawd I hope my phone breaks again. I miss my Sergei! 
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