I have mentioned before that I am not a big fan of Barbie. Not because I have any moral or ethical objections to her completely disproportionate figure or her amazingly vacant stare, but because frankly, she bores me. There. I admit it. I don’t like playing with Barbies. As a little girl, I loved G.I. Joe. He came with the cooler accessories like a walkie-talkie and a Jeep. Not to mention that way cool sandpaper beard he had going and his Kung-Fu grip. I could come up with some pretty inventive scenarios for G.I. Joe and his Jeep wheelin’, scratchy bearded self. Barbie? She did nothing but teeter around on her tippy toes looking vapid and like the only person in a group who didn’t get the joke. She had clothes that I thought were pretty ridiculous. Sometimes, just to see if it would make her cooler, I would put her in G.I Joe’s clothes, but it never worked. Her too big boobs would prevent the cool flack jacket from closing. Even cammo couldn’t make Barbie cool.
However -you just knew there would be a catch, didn’t you?- Gabriella loves everything Barbie! We have Barbie toys, Barbie lunchbox, Barbie underwear and yes, even Barbie herself. In fact, she has acquired a Barbie collection in her short little 3 years on this Earth that just may rival anything my sister, myself or any of my childhood friends had combined. Thanks to doting grandparents, an aunt with 2 boys- who loves to buy for this girl, friends and even a temporarily insane mother, she does not lack in the Barbie department.
Which is great news for her. For me, it means hours of hearing “Let’s play Barbies, Mommy. Pleeeease, Mommy!” (For the record I do play with her even though I really am not good at playing with Barbies. Our conversations usually are along the stimulating lines of “Hi. How are you today? I am fine. Would you like to go to my Barbie castle? Okay. Good.” Usually, “Barbie’s Mom” calls and Barbie has to go home to babysit or cook or discover a cure for the common cold. Anything to keep her from staying in my living room. (I have to wonder why she ever comes back for more.)
Gabriella’s newest “game” with Barbie is Let’s Strip Off Barbie’s Clothes and Lose Them. Last night I went to tuck her into bed and I swear her room looked like a brothel. There were naked Barbies lounging around everywhere. Some had just their tops on, some just their bottoms and many had nothing on but a smile. (Of course, her Malibu Ken Doll was fully clothed. I think he just may be filming Barbie porn in my daughter’s room. ) Now, I know it is natural for little kids to take the clothes off of dolls and such. I am not stressing that. I am not so prude that a nude Barbie is going to send me into a fit of hysteria.
What I am saying is that it can be a rather shocking experience first thing in the morning to walk into your bathroom and be greeted immediately by Spread Eagle Naked Barbie on your counter.
I’m just saying.