So tired, so blinking tired

So tired, so blinking tired

I am tired.  Tired deep in my bones tired.  Not tired like “Gee, I could go for a quick cat-nap” tired.  But, more like “oh for the love of all things snoozeworthy, is there a newborn in the house that I forgot about because this mama’s not sleeping!” kind of tired.  Clint was talking to me this evening and I can’t be entirely sure I didn’t fall asleep mid-sentence.  While standing up.  In the kitchen.  With a toddler pulling on my shirt.  In fact, I can’t even promise that I will stay awake long enough to finish this entry.  I am That. Tired.

Insomnia is a bizarre thing.  At first, when I realize that I am hitting one of those “no-sleeping” phases, I accept it and stock up on books to read during the late night hours.  Sometimes if it is bad enough, a movie or two as well. 

Then a few days into it I start getting a bit grumpy.  (By a bit grumpy I mean biting the heads off of bats and small animals.*) But I can function.  To some degree.  Oh sure, I am a walking danger zone waiting to inflict unusual accidents upon unsuspecting people who have actually slept, but I am not completely out of control.  Yet.

Now we hit the “Oh for the love of slobber sleeping can I please get some sleep?” phase.  It amazes my children that I can be looking them right in the eyes and have no clue as to what they are saying.  It is quite possible that I fell asleep while they were talking.

Now, if only I could bank these little naps and make them count for something, I would be doing much better.

The problem with this, although it is highly entertaining to those around me, is that I have the concentration of a …..something that can’t concentrate.  This does not help me out when I am supposed to be writing.  Work at home?  Sure.  I sit and stare at that blinking cursor for hours.  After a while it starts talking to me.

Cursor:  What are you looking at?

Me: You.  You’re fascinating.  Just blink blink blink

Cursor: Are you mocking me?  You think it is easy having this job?  Think again, sister.

Me: Oh what?  Like it is a tough life to just do nothing but blink all day.  I do that without thinking.

Cursor: At steady intervals?  ALL the time?  With no breaks?  I dare you to try it. You think you’ve lost your mind now, just wait until you add that to your routine.

Me: Hey!  Are you calling me crazy?

Cursor: Look, I am not the one talking to a computer screen and a blinking cursor, lady.

Me: Good point.

Yeah, I’m tired.  Why are you looking at me that way?  It’s not as if I have totally lost my mind.  I am just so very tired.  In fact, I think that I just may fall asleep right…….


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