Almost gnawed my arm off to get out of this trap

So, I had to go to the school today.  I can usuallly time this so that I have MPTAC (Minimal PTA Contact.  Not because I harbor bitterness against them or anything.  (Shuddup.  I can say that and you should not argue.) It has more to do with the fact that I have been silent long enough that some of them feel that perhaps I am ready to jump back into the whole sorted mess again.  (Not so much.)

While standing in the hall talking to one of my favorite teachers, up walks one of the Stepfords.  Frantically I look around for an exit.  Surely there must be an escape.  I reach to grab for the teacher to beg for amnesty.  But she has vanished from the hallway.  I look back to The Stepford. 

“So I was wondering if….”

At that point I screeched and began flailing my arms about wildly.  Then I proceeded to throw myself to the ground and fake my own death.

It didn’t work She nudged me with her Prada boot and haughtily said, “You are not dead.  I saw you breathe.  Besides, you tried that last year and it didn’t work.”

Damn I thought to myself as I got to my feet. 

” So, as I was saying, in our last meeting your name came up in regards to…”

This time I took the high road.  The mature route.  I jammed my fingers into my ears and began sing-songing very loudly, “LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA”

She forcefully grabbed my hands and yanked my fingers from my ears.  “Really now.  IS that completely necessary?” she huffed.

Resigned to having to listen to her, I slumped my shoulders and began to give in to it when brilliance struck.

“Oh my goodness,” I shrieked.  “Look!  Heading towards the office.  It’s a new parent holding a Volunteer Interest form.”

Her eyes lit up with glee as she turned to look.

I leapt at the chance for escape while her back was turned and hauled ass out of there.

I still don’t know what she wanted, but you better believe my phone will be off the hook for a good week.  As for going to the school?  Just ignore that woman in the big hat, dark sunglasses and cheesy wig.  It isn’t me.  I swear.

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