I just finished watching my Tivo’ed (Tivoed? Tivo’d? DVR’ed!) recording of Desperate Housewives and can I just say….
GO LYNETTE! Honey, you are my tv PTA hero.
Okay, I will try to write this as if there are people out there who don’t watch the show. You see, one of the Desperate Housewives became the woman I wish I could’ve been last year. She has two boys who are…shall we say…wild. They have been “asked” not to return to the public school so she gets them into a Stepford private school. At this school she come across Maisy. I SO KNOW Maisy. Maisy is the queen bee of the PTA. The one who insists on being the Alpha Mom. In this episode Maisy decides that Little Red Riding Hood is too violent and sends the wrong message so she changes the end of the play to be more politically correct.
Yes, internet, if you saw that show, you saw a reflection of me and my PTA. For example, when the “Volunteer Extraordinaire” Maisy said that they were going to release the wolf and Lynette laughed? Out loud? SO VERY ME in too many meetings. The whole “I thought you were kidding” thing? Yeah. I mean with some of the things I have heard, I was sure it was a joke. Only to be stared at as if it was unthinkable to laugh at a suggestion such as that.
There was a comment made along the lines of “Why don’t we leave the creative suggestions to the volunteers who are doing the heavy lifting” (in reference to the fact that Lynette was just acting as the ticket taking and nothing more). Yeah, that would be very similar to the comment I received that went something like “Why don’t you let those of us who have been doing this longer make the suggestions on changes since, afterall, you ARE new to this and haven’t been one of us for long.” (Yes, I was told that.)
Oh, oh, oh (excited child storytelling mode) and when Lynette offered to sew the costumes (to become a ‘heavy lifter’) and Maisy responded, “Oh? Can you sew?” I will stack that up against my hearing, “Oh, can you use a computer to get this information out?”
There was no line from Maisy that I cannot spout back something similar that I heard from my version of Maisy. (No names, of course. I mean, some of the Stepfords have found me and all and I would hate to have them *gasp* mad at me.”)
But, oh, internet, how I cheered when alas my hero Lynette had enough and got RIGHT UP in the face of the horrid Maisy and demanded they take it outside. That speech. It made me weep.
“We have children the same age which means that there are years ahead of us of having to deal with each other. So instead of playing all of these petty games, why don’t we put an end to this right now.”
What do you mean?“Let’s take it outside.”
“Take what outside?”
“Your sorry ass for throwing down.”
“You are crazy.”
“No. Just being practical. Isn’t it better to settle this once and for all rather than endure all this Alpha Mom crap until our kids graduate?”
I wept. I cheered. I frantically pointed at the screen and yelled, “Did you hear that? Did you hear that?!” to…well, no one since I was alone in the room, but nevertheless, I rejoiced at the moment.
And then I hung my head in shame. Oh, internet, the shame. The overwhelming shame of knowing that it could’ve, no…SHOULD’VE been me who made such a beautiful speech to my Maisy. Lynette became my hero. The woman I wish I had been last year. Ahhh, yes, if only. I try to live with no regrets, but to see such a tear-jerker moment in the life of the PTA…well, it brought to the surface the what-if’s of life. Oh if only….If only…
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