Oh for the love of all that is internet addiction, I am in hell! My internet is down. Dead. NOT WORKING! I feel so lost and abandonned. I am logged in from the library. The LIBRARY! It’s like eating dinner at a soup kitchen. There is nothing wrong with soup kitchens and they serve a great purpose, but you’d really rather be at home in your pajamas eating your own homemade highspeed on your laptop with your own bookmarks and worn off letters on your keyboard soup. I’m just saying. It feels so dirty.
However, the tech–sadly, not my Sergei— will be out to the house “as soon as Friday!” Excuse me? AS SOON as Friday? That’s like telling a junkie to hang on a week and his dealer will get him a fix by FRIDAY. What the hell kind of talk is that? I certainly don’t think it is fair or right or even legal for that matter. I am sure it insults some gods somewhere that I truly hope strike down and spite my evil internet provider.
So I call up everyday.
Me: “Yeah, hi. It’s me. So…well, do you have a
dealertech who can come over today. I mean, I am really jonesin’ here man. I swear I heard a modem calling me last night and we don’t even have dial up. I need help. For the love of god, man, HELP ME.”
Evil Internet Service Dealer-EISD:“Ma’am. I have told you that you are scheduled for Friday. Between 11-2. I cannot do anything more for you. Someone will be there Friday.”
Me:“FRIDAY?! FRIDAY?! Do you know how long that is? I can’t hold out. I just can’t do it. Is it because of that one time I was late on payment? You know I’m good for it, dude. I have auto-pay now. The money is as good as yours.”
EISD:“Ma’am, it has nothing to do with money. We are booked. We will have a tech there on Friday.”
Me:“Yeah, yeah–between 11-2. You suck. You get someone hooked and then you leave them to withdrawal all alone. MAY THE GODS OF THE INTERNET STRIKE YOU DOWN!”
EISD:“Calm down ma’am.”
Me:“I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it. It is the lack of DSL that is talking. You know I would never wish evil on you. Soooo, can you get me some today?”
I only have an hour before they get off of their lunch break and I can call again. I plan on making their life the living hell they are making mine until I get my INTERNET FIXED.
(Sorry…forgot I was in a library. Can’t SHOUT HERE!)