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Month: February 2005

Not so much a soccer mom…or am I?

Not so much a soccer mom…or am I?

Soccer season is well underway now.  So far I have been able to experience the thrill of freezing my ass of at an 8:00am game.  Had to practically hog tie a 9 year old to get him to settle down at 10:00pm after a LATE weeknight game.  And, yes, I have even had to lay some serious rubber on the pavement to get him to a game ontime after I “misread” the schedule.  (And by misread, I mean I never looked at the schedule until that day and realized we had to be at a game 20 minutes from that time.) Oh yes, the neverending joy of being a soccer mom.

But don’t get me wrong.  I may be a mom who has a son playing soccer, but I am not a “soccer mom.” I don’t look like I am about to head to the country club after the game.  I don’t own a shirt that says “World’s Greatest Soccer Mom.” And I have never owned a scrunchi that is decorated with cute little soccer balls and is color co-ordinated with the team colors .  In fact, I would probably have to smack anyone on our team that did have one of those.  Just a warning, people.

By the same token, I am not a soccer mom who “sideline coaches” her son.  I don’t berate him or scream that he could do better.  I don’t kick the ground in disgust when my kid does something less than stellar.

That being said, I will confess to this:  I apparently have a condition known as Soccer Game Tour**ettes Syndrome.  Apparently, I tend to tense up and spew vulgarities during games.  Certainly not where anyone can hear me – except of course, the few other parents that I hang out with on sidelines.  They have the same condition, so we fit together just fine.  Our team has been together for 5 years.  We have become like a family, so we accept the good and the bad of each other.  Even the 4 letter words.

When this team first started, we were the Bad News Bears of soccer.  It was seriously sad.  We totally cheered if any one single player on our team kicked the ball in the right direction.  It was just that sad.  Today, we are in second place in the top division and are seriously closing in on the first place team.  Honestly, it is hard to beleive that it is the same team.  Or the same parents.

We used to gossip and share our weeks with each other during the games.  We would occasionally shout out a “Go team” or “That’s okay! Don’t quit now!” It was a social event with a soccer game in the background.  Now, we actually watch the game.  We pace the sidelines.  We mumble obscenities under our breath at stupid plays or bad calls.  We understand the calls!  The plays!  The rules!  Amazing.

Oh good lord, I think I may be turning into a soccer mom.

Forgive me. I’ll seek help as soon as possible.

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Share something good with her

Share something good with her

Apparently I was napping when the bandwagon drove through here. It seems I am one of the few people to not jump on.

(What is she babble-assing about this time?)

It seems that the article in Newsweek on Mommy Madness by Judith Warner got a lot of women (and men) talking.  I have traveled all over the blogosphere reading what other people had to say about it.  And trust me.  There was a lot said.  I became so caught up hearing everyone else’s take on it that I never got around to saying anything myself.

One place that had me riveted (and stole the better part of an evening) was the discussion going on over at Chez Miscarriage.  Mom after mom after mom shared their negative experiece with “mothering drive-by’s.” Hundreds of women who were burned.  I have to be honest.  That kind of bummed me out that we do that to each other.

But, leave it to my good friend Shelley to see this and make a positive spin on the entire situation.  I really did like her idea.

Shelley wants to hear about the good and positive things that people have had to say to you about your parenting style and choices.  What a great idea!

Surely we can go over there and share in the positive things we have experienced from other moms, dads and strangers alike.  Go on!  Share the positive stories with Shelley!

(And check out her awesome book while you’re there.  You’ll be glad you did!)

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Oh for the love of all things mind numbingly boring, I am losing my mind.  I am so freaking bored.  I have spent the day avoiding the writing that I have to do.  Instead, I have surfed the internet to the point that even my computer got pissed off and bored and said, “For the love of god woman, get a damn life!  I quit!” as it proceeded to lock up. 

You know what is boring me the most?  My website.  I mean, I have had the same design for far too long.  Yet, I am a pain in the ass to work with when it comes to redesigning my site.  The conversation goes something like this:

Designer:  “So, what are you looking for?”

Me: “Uh…I dunno.  Something new.”

Designer: “Okay, so by new you mean….?”

Me:  “Yeah, ummm, not what I have now.”

Designer:  “I really appreciate being given a lot of freedom in designing, but perhaps a little direction would be nice.”

Me:  “Oh, well, how about something that looks fun but not so fun you don’t take me seriously.  Something either with cute graphics or real graphics.  Maybe something that can become ‘my signature’ that people will remember.  How about something about writing or coffee or motherhood!  Does that help?”

Designer: “Yeah.  It helps me realize you’re an idiot!”

(Okay she didn’t say that but I am sure she thought it.)

So while I am driving the poor person working on it insane, I start surfing to find something I like.  Turns out I like too much.  It totally didn’t help. So, I am opening the floor to you, my readers. 

What do you think of when you think of my blog?  What graphic would make you say, “Oh that is SO her!” I mean, I seriously thought about stealing the awesome graphic that Melissa has on her blog.  I mean, let’s face it, you can’t see a pacifier in a martini glass and not scream, “Melissa!!” I need something like that.  I need a graphic that makes people shout, “Mommy needs coffee!” (But not if they are at Starbucks or some other coffee house.  Because that would probably piss a few people off.) Any ideas?  Come on!  I need brilliance here, people.  I am so bored with my blog, myself and my “image” that I am going to have to slam my face repeatedly against the keyboard until I come up with either a really cool concussion or a brilliant idea.  Help me help you.


Now, for your entertainment, I will entertain you with my very own (in)famous rendition of “Play That Funky Music”.  You should probably remove your children from the room first, though.  wink

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For a fee, I’ll sing for you, too

For a fee, I’ll sing for you, too

I don’t sing.  Well, actually, I don’t sing in public.  Ever.  (Okay, there is that occassional Christmas Eve when I get caught up in the moment, but that is where I draw the line.) Oh sure, part of it has to do with the fact that I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, but more so because I am the Queen of Misheard Lyrics.  At least I was once upon a time and the moment has imprinted itself permanently on my psyche never to be repeated.

When I was young- I can’t tell you how young, but it was young enough to still fall for things my brother set me up to do for his amusement- I had a favorite song.  It made me want to SING and DANCE for all to hear.  I loved to perform.  (Youngest child syndrome and all.)

So one night my parents had their best friends over to play bridge.  This wasn’t an uncommon event.  We (the children) knew to make ourselves relatively scarce.  (Besides, we all knew the real fun didn’t start until the children were in bed.  We knew this because the laughing got louder and the conversation more lively.) It was past bedtime, but I had snuck into my brother’s room to sing him my song.  He immediately told me that I absolutely must perform it for our parents and their friends.  My sister came in and encouraged me as well.  They both thought it was a brilliant way to entertain the guests.  I really should’ve known then something was up.

I agree and proudly march into the living room where the adults are gathered.  I clear my throat and announce that I am now going to perform for them.  As soon as I have their undividided attention, I begin to shake my hips and belt out my song…

“Play that f*ckin’ music wine boy

Play that f*ckin’ music wine

Play that f*ckin’ music wine boy

Play it and I’ll boogie so

play that f*ckin music or you’ll die!!!!”

I stared at the adults.  They stared back at me in horror, shock and disbelief. I believe my father was deciding between a stroke and a heart attack and was thus rendered speechless.  My mother just froze like a deer in the headlights.  Their friends looked from me to my parents.  My mother was the first to find her voice.  She began (stammering a bit)….”Jennifer Lee…what did you just say?”

Thinking it was a request for an encore- much to my delight- I jumped up on the footstool and began to shake my hips and bellow out my song again.

My mom’s best friend was suddenly very interested in the ice at the bottom of her glass as she began to study it.  For some reason, her shoulders were shaking.  Her husband became very intent on getting his cigarette lit.  It was difficult as his hand was shaking a lot.  Still clueless, I look to my parents for the usual, “Good job, sweetie.”

It wasn’t until my mother burst out laughing that my father was pulled from his stroke-like paralysis.  “Was it your brother or your sister who suggested that you entertain us with that song tonight?”

Pleased to have my brother and my sister share in the praise and spotlight, I sold them out in a heartbeat.

I was pretty much just told to never sing that song again. 

Later, as I was crawling into bed- and shortly after my brother and sister got quite a talking to and grounded- I overheard my brother cracking up telling my sister, “It was totally worth it!”

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Sometimes it takes a “team” to birth a baby

Sometimes it takes a “team” to birth a baby

Bear with me on this.  I am not sure I even know the words to express what I am feeling, but I wanted to capture and share a story with you that I have been honored to have been able to follow from the beginning.  I’m just not sure if the words are going to come out right.

Four years ago I became a part of an incredible group of women.  We met online and all had babies born in the same month.  We have shared everything from sleepless nights, to diaper rash.  We’ve been there for each other through sicknesses and celebrations.  We’ve cried together over births and deaths.  We have become a family.

One of these amazing women just gave birth.  But of course- you know me by now- there is a story behind it.

You see, she has 5 children of her own.  She knows how amazing it is to have a baby.  This woman is made for having babies and is a wonderful Mom.  She is one of those women that motherhood agrees with her in incredible ways.  From the way she glows to the way her children look at her with so much love in their eyes.  She has the patience and attitude that many of us strive to achieve in motherhood.  I cannot imagine her not having children.  And her heart cannot imagine another woman-not unlike herself- who desperately wants children and cannot.

In the most unselfish act a woman can do, she became a gestational surrogate for this precious couple.  She has shared the story with us from the moment she met them until the recent birth.  Today, she shared the most gorgeous pictures of her little surro-baby with the rest of us.  I so wish I could capture into words the emotions that overwhelmed me.  I sat and was able to witness through her pictures the incredible joy this family-all of them-shared over the birth of this miracle baby.  To see this baby’s mum beaming with pride.  To see the peace and joy in my friend’s face.  It is all just so overwhelming to be even an outside witness to this experience.

I cannot imagine what my friend must be going through now that she has given birth.  I cannot imagine being so selfless.  I try to put myself in her shoes and cannot even get close to filling them.

In this life, I have not had a lot of heros.  Until now. I can say without hesitation that I have met, hugged and been a part of the life of one.  And if you happen to be reading this, M….you truly are my hero.

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