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Month: April 2005

Win me cool stuff and I’ll love you forever!

Win me cool stuff and I’ll love you forever!

I like free stuff.

I want free stuff.

I like it when you win me free stuff.  wink

Have you heard of Blingo? It’s a search engine that can win you prizes, fame and fortune.  Or at least prizes.  AND not only that, but if someone who signs up under under your link wins a prize, you win that prize too.  Winning for doing nothing.  I SO love those kinds of wins! I signed up under Dell so that I can win her free stuff.  So, how about you sign up under my name so that you can win me free stuff too.

Or not.

But it can’t hurt, can it?

There is plenty of room on this bandwagon for all of us.  Sign up, too!

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What are you looking at? Go play!

What are you looking at? Go play!

image

Okay, enough of my “catty whines” people.

Want a fun game you can play all day long in between “work” duties.  (I love that you people at work go with that whole “work” cover up for your all day blogging obsession.)

Go over to see Michele and play a fun game of “One Degree of Seperation”.  It is a fun game and can really get out of control after a while.  (But don’t be a game screecher.  You know, the ones who post someone so off the wall NO ONE could play anymore.  Yeah, don’t be that person.)

Tell her Jenn says hi!

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Hi! I don’t do small talk. You’ll probably hate me. Nice meeting you.

Hi! I don’t do small talk. You’ll probably hate me. Nice meeting you.

Today was Gabriella’s first school field trip. Because of their age and the seat belt laws, the parent(s) need to drive their children.  So, of course, I was there.  I wanted to be there.  This is the first child that I can do this with and not have to worry about setting up childcare for a little one or find out if siblings can go.  Freedom!

But I came to a conclusion.  I think I must be a social bitch.

At one point, I am standing there alone holding Gabrie and just sort of watching all of the other moms in their little groups talking and laughing and completely enjoying being together.  I have never felt like a bigger loser (as an adult) in my life.

Drop me down in a group of people I don’t know and I have no problems chatting anyone up.  I can join them and have no feelings of panic.  Put me in front of a huge audience to give a speech or whatever, no nerves at all.  However, if you put me in a group of women that I have been trying to get to know or “fit in with” and I go all Forrest Gump on them and say intelligent Gumpisms like “I have to peee.” I truly become socially retarded and an outcast.

Why? I mean, really…why?  I must give off a bitch vibe in a big way.  I just must reek of loserdom after you get to know me.  And yes, it is usually with women.  Once we get past the initial getting to know you talks at the beginning of a relationship, I become tongue tied and completely incapable of small talk.  I don’t do small talk well.  It feel so damn phony.  So, I guess that makes me seem bitchy.

Sometimes I blame it on where I live.  That makes it so much easier than blaming it on myself.  At least out loud it is easier.  I always internally blame myself.  But seriously, I am NOT cut out to live where I do.  Have you seen the new show on TLC named Sheer Dallas? It could SO be filmed within a stones throw from where I live.  They are filming in Dallas itself, but they will probably move a bit north and get some damn good footage here in Plano, too. 

Please don’t misunderstand me.  Not all women who live here are this way.  I mean, I have met amazing women here.  But truthfully, I can count on one hand the number of women I feel I can be myself around.  The real me.  How pathetic is that?  Do you know how much I HATE crying because I feel like such an outsider in my own hometown?  Let me tell you, I would rather give up coffee and chocolate than cry over something like this. 

I know there are books for men about “Understanding Women.” Are there any books for women on understanding other women?  I could SO use one.  Maybe that can be my next book.  “How To Not Be Loser:  Or At Least Learn How To Fake It Better.” I should totally call my agent and pitch that one.

The bottom line and most important thing is Gabriella had a great time today.  I am so glad she did.  (I will post pictures if I can find any WITHOUT other kids in them.  I am not too proud to learn lessons from my friends when it comes to internet picture postings and upset moms.) But honestly, I am glad I did not drive my own car.  I was just that tempted to leave because I felt so awkward.  There are times I see Gabriella get shy in situations like that and it breaks my heart.  Oh, please, don’t let her ever feel the “loser outsider” feeling that I felt today.  I encouraged her to hang out with her friends.  And I tried to get rid of my bitch vibe.  I was successful in getting her to leave my side and have fun with her friends.  As for losing the bitch vibe, I have no idea.

[Editor’s note:  See!  Out of 44,000 results, I was number 10 in a Google search for “anti-social bitch.” That does it!]

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A Fun Bedroom Trick

A Fun Bedroom Trick

I am going to share a little trick with you, my faithful readers.  A trick that you can use in your bedroom.  It is guaranteed to leave your mate speechless. (Although it is not just for the bedroom.  You can use this little trick anywhere you want.)

Ready?  Okay, here is what you need to do. Take an everyday drinking straw to bed with you.  Wait!  Come back.  Trust me! I do however suggest you wait until you are both snuggled deep under the covers.  You don’t want to ruin the surprise, so make sure your mate is not watching you.  (Surprises in the bedroom can be a lot of fun!)

Do you have your straw?  Good.  Now take that everyday, regular drinking straw and place the longer end of the straw under your left arm pit.  Position is everything here.  (Actually, you can use your right pit, too.  It is not pit dependent.)

Now, bend the shorter end up towards your mouth.  Got it?

Now BLOW!

See!  I guarantee your mate is looking at you and is totally speechless. 

What?!  I never said I was sharing with you a sexual trick, now did I?

[This entry brought to you by the Organization to Promote Immaturity in Marriage.  Visit us at our homepage at…. oh, wait…we don’t have a webpage because we are too immature to get our act together enough to do that.  But if we did, you better believe we would have some kick ass sound effects!]

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Boring Bloggish Business

Boring Bloggish Business

She’s back!  She’s back!  Oh, dear Internet, my blog is back.  Did you miss me?  (Please don’t say you didn’t notice.  That would break my heart.  LIE if you have to.) Apparently, the server was horked all day yesterday.  I couldn’t EVEN blog.  At all.  All day.  Not that I have been good about blogging everyday, but still.  The option was there.  Yesterday, all I saw was some “blah blah blah screw you I won’t let you get to your blog” message.  It was so very rude!

But I am back now.

With nothing to say.

But I do have to cover some Boring Blog Business.  The time has come when Blogrolling wants more money from me to continue with my multiple blogrolls and cool features as such, but here is the deal.  I don’t want to give them any more money.  I think I am going to just dump the blogroll entirely.  I will still have a links page, but the blogroll is out of control.  So, while I wipe it clean, I may lose a link or two.  If I have you there and you give a damn whether or not you stay there, drop me a line to ensure I don’t lose you in the dumpage.  If you are not there and want to be, drop me a line as well.  If you wish I would shut the hell up about Boring Blog Business, that’s just not nice.

I am still waiting on the new look.  I am not sure when it will be up, but when it does show up here, be sure to let me know if there are any bugs.  I am eager to show off my new bloggish beauty.

Finally, I want to apologize for the rarity of my posts here.  I have been completely swamped with other commitments and frankly, didn’t have much to say that would be intelligible.  I am thinking that an entry that says not much more than “oogkkkekn klsljfklaruiod, thaei;udhf” would interest anyone over the age of 1.  I will do better.  Really.  Once I figure out what to say that would be worth your time.

I do hope you all are having a wonderful weekend.  It is our FIRST non-soccer weekend in so long that I cannot remember what I used to do on Saturdays.  I have asked Clint about 6 times today, “So what are the plans for today?  What’s going on?” He said I need to just go play with his shop*vac and stop asking.  But no soccer?  On Saturday?  What do you people do without soccer on a Saturday?  Thankfully, I have 2 full days of soccer to fill next weekend.  *whew*

Okay, I nodded off while reading my own entry.  Forgive me for boring the hell out of you.  Blame it on the lack of soccer.  I don’t do well without my familiar routine and soccer mom brain washing.

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This totally rocks for something that sucks!

This totally rocks for something that sucks!

Clint has totally been holding out on me.  For like years.  He has had this amazing thing hidden from me (in plain site I might add) and never once shared with me the glorious goodness that is his shop*vac.

I was in a cleaning frenzy today.  If it stood still, I cleaned it.  Even the fireplace, people.  I did the whole scoop out, dump in a bag, scoop, dump etc that you do when you are cleaning out a fire place.  It didn’t look too bad.

And there in the corner of the room, stood his shop*vac. What the hell? I thought.  It can’t hurt.

Oh for the love of sucking goodness everywhere, this thing rocked my world, people.  I have never had a cleaner fireplace in my life. 

I raced around to all of the baseboards in my house with the amazing shop*vac. I listened to the sound of it sucking up the tiny little particles that have made my baseboards their home for years.  I laughed.  I cried.  I think I had an orgasm it made me so happy.

Oh, who I am kidding?  It was a complete When Harry Met Sally coffee shop moment complete with screaming, writhing, whipping my hair around in excited bliss and even some slamming of my hands onto the walls. 

I heart Clint’s shop*vac.

I’m just saying….

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