SNAKE!

SNAKE!

When I am stressed, my sympathy level for other human beings goes pretty low.

Broke both of your arms?  So sorry.  Can you pass me that disc with your toes, please?

Dog ran away?  So sorry.  While you’re out looking can you pick up another printer cartridge for me?

Snake loose in your house?  So sorry.  But thanks for the laugh!

Seriously.  Sympathy was way low for others this week.  I was buried in end-of-the-year activities for the boys.  And by that of course I mean, PTA stuff.  Yes, you heard me right.  PTfreakinA stuff. Well, I guess you could say that it was for my son Brandon and his 5th grade class because it totally was!  But I had to report and go through the PTfreakinA.

And there is *one woman I blame for all of it. Ironically, she just so happens to be a very good friend of mine– even if she is a Stepford.  (You SO know who you are, too!) In fact, when she called me this week, I answered the phone every time with, “I hate you.  What do you want?”

Nice, huh.

She thought so, too.

So, while I am at her house either dropping something off, picking something up or just stopping by to say, “I hate you” I noticed her precious children outside with a large bucket.  Whatever was in the bucket had them entranced.  Her daughter sees me, leaps up and shoves the bucket at me.

“Wanna see my SNAKE?!”

Ummm, I’ll go with NO, not so much.

Fast forward to later that night.  Her husband and daughter (also a 5th grader like Brandon) decided it is a good idea to keep the SNAKE in the house. Inside the house.  INSIDE.  THE HOUSE.  Much to the sheer horror of her mother, the snake was invited to slumber within the cozy comfort of her home.  You must understand, this woman is NOT a fan of snakes.  At all.  None.

(You totally see where this is going, don’t you.)

The next morning I get a call.  Of course I answer it, “I hate you.  What do you want?”

“The SNAKE is out of the aquarium.  IT’S IN MY HOUSE!”

Yes, I laughed.  So sue me.  Then I tried the reassuring crap like “He is more afraid of you than you are of him” and of course “He probably found his way out already.  I am sure he is gone.”

All the while thinking, “He is SO going to end up in your bed tonight.”

Later that night I get a call.  (At least I think that is when it was.  Time blurs after the week I had.)

“I hate you.  What do you want?”

“Blah blah PTfreakinA blah blah blah”

And then…

“SNAKE SNAKE OH MY GOD SNAKESNAKESNAKESNAKE!” and then much yelling of her daughter’s name.  The sounds become more frantic but further away.  I think she dropped the phone.  Then I hear, “SNAKE. GOTTA GO!” *click*

I am not at all ashamed to admit that I totally peed my pants laughing at her.

I didn’t even answer the phone with “I hate you” when she called again.

I did however answer with, “That was the best laugh I have had in years. Thank you ever so much!”

[Update and clarification]:  *Just for the record, this woman actually is one of my best friends.  I just had to give her a hard time for getting me SUCKED BACK IN!  Although answering the phone the way I did was real.  I did answer that way.  But all is forgotten now that everything was successful and it is summertime. 

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