My skin doesn’t fit

My skin doesn’t fit

This weekend was a rough weekend for me.  You see every now and then I go through these tough moods.  It’s not a bad mood.  I associate bad moods with being totally irritated by and with other people.  This isn’t like that.  I feel more like a caged animal.  Pacing.  Restless. Out of sorts.  It’s as if I don’t fit in my own skin.

I am not sure if it is a normal feeling or an addict feeling.  It does feel like I am jonesing for something, but I can’t say what.  Thankfully, my family knows when I get this way to just let me be.  If I am pacing, leave me alone.  If I am ranting, let me rant.  If I am crying, what the hell did you do to me?

I was that way most of the weekend.  I really hate this feeling because I don’t know what to do with it.  Fresh out of rehab, I would hit a meeting.  Now, I just pace and flitter from one thing to another.  Concentration has been way out the window as well.  Thus, the reason for no posts.

One thing that actually did help was that I got a really good cry in on Saturday.  You see, our next door neighbor passed away last week.  It totally broke my heart when his wife told me.  He was an amazing man who lived an incredible life.  He was born in Italy and lived there until coming to America in 1976.  He was such a generous man.  To say he would give you the shirt off of his back was as true a statement as any that could made about him.  Clint and I went to his funeral on Saturday.  We absolutely love his wife.  I have every intention of convincing her to adopt me, by the way.  If a funeral could be “good”, this was it.  We learned more about this man that day than we had in all the years living next to him.  The funeral had laughter, tears and such fond memories.  It truly was a tribute to this wonderful man.  The cry was good for me.  So was the laughter.

It also intensified the restlessness.

Am I the only person who goes through these phases of feeling like her skin doesn’t fit?  That restless feeling?  Jonesing for something but you don’t know what? 

Share with me if you understand.  But please, be patient with me if you don’t.


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