There is only so much naked, ice-cream eating dancing to the 80’s that one person can do. Yeah right! I am so not finished yet!
I got a Manicure! And a Pedicure! And a Tequilacure! (Okay, I totally made up the word tequilacure, but seriously, what can’t tequila cure?) My toes are now a yummy hue of purple. I have never gone purple on my toes, but I am living on the edge, people. I sort of like my purple toes. But for the record, Clint totally doesn’t appreciate my purple toes when I thrust them up onto the dashboard of the car in front of his face for him to admire while he is trying to navigate rush hour traffic. What? I was just showing him how yummy they looked. How was I to know he thought my toes on the dashboard were “distracting his driving.” And the manicure? Totally cute. French manicure with just the perfect length. Not too long that it makes typing difficult. Not too short that it wastes my time. Just perfect for drumming on my keyboard when I am stuck for a word so that they make just enough noise for me to tune them out but loud enough for the dog to freak the hell out trying to find the source of the noise. (I find my amusement in simple ways.)
Apparently I needed this break more than I realized. I have had people make comments like, “You look so different! Is it the hair? New outfit? No, wait! You aren’t foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.” Or ever the popular “Hey, I totally didn’t know you weren’t a bitch in real life. You’re actually pretty laid back.” And then there was my all time favorite, “Oh for the love of God are you doing drugs again? You look way too calm and relaxed. Just say no, Jenn.”
I am thinking of sending my sister child support payments and just having a kid-free summer. I don’t think she will go for it, but it is worth a shot.
Oh and speaking of things that freak me the hell out. (No, I really wasn’t speaking about things that freak me the hell out, but I was reaching for a segue. Do you mind??) I happened to catch Hit Me Baby (1 More Time) last night. WTF? No, really…WTF???
I would like to say I handled this as an adult, but I would SO be lying. I admit it. I was totally confused when I saw this. I am all “Who the hell is that? Is that Brent Spiner? What the hell is this? Why is he singing 80’s music?” And then I get a close up and see something more like this and am seriously confused and more than a little freaked out. No, really, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?”
Then I hear the announcer. “Let’s hear it for LOVERBOY!”
Talk about freaking me the hell out. I began to shout, “Noooooo! WTFWTFWTF?? They look so OLD!” Then I dove behind the couch to hide from the horror of the moment. After a few moments curled in the fetal position and sucking my thumb, I came back out. Only to hear that after 22 years Tiffany is singing again. And not in a mall.
I am afraid. Hold me.
I think I need my Tequilacure again. Bartender, hit me baby 1 more time and make it a double!