Today was the first soccer game of the season for Zarek.  Bright and early this morning.  I want to tell all about how well behaved I was.  I want to tell you how great the game was and how we won an edge-of-your-seat game.  I want to tell you how I sat and thoroughly enjoyed the game as a calm, well mannered mom.

I want to.  I just can’t though.

I did not behave myself.  Let me start by saying I never yell at the kids.  I never throw any temper tantrums about how the kids are playing.  In fact, I never have a bad thing to say about the players at all.  Honestly.  Because I know these kids are out there to have fun.  I get that.  (In fact, the parents who do yell at the kids usually end up with me in their face politely asking them to shut the hell up.)

But the coach?  Oh for the love all things whistle blowing!  Jenn was not a happy parent with the coach today.  At this point you are probably thinking, “Oh, no!  The coach must have been yelling and screaming at the kids.  Uh-oh.  Jenn is not fond of coaches like that.” Think again. Normally, if I am raging at a game, that is the reason.  And rarely (if ever) is it directed at our coach.  I adore our coach.  But let’s just say, I was not so much myself yesterday.  (Kind of like Linda Blair was not so much herself in The Exorcist.)

Some history so you know where I am coming from.  This team has been together for 4 years.  Two seasons per year.  We have gone from the soccer version of the Bad News Bears to second place in the top division.  Ups, downs and beer drinking at post season parties.  (For the parents, silly.  Not the kids.) We all know each other rather well.  And our coach?  He has been with us the entire time.  There was one season when we first became a team that there was a bit of a coaching issue, but it was an easy fix.  Since that time, we have all been in a happy state of coach/parent/player bliss.  We sit and sing Kumbaya on the sidelines after every game.

But today…today was harsh.  The coach decided NOT to coach.  Not to raise his voice at all. Good or bad.  Which means no coaching and no encouragement.  Nothing.  Mute.  With my son in goal for the first real game.  Ever.

Did I mention I have been under a lot of stress lately?  Did I mention that I do not deal well with stress?  That sometimes I channel it towards other things?  Well, yeah…let’s just say I did that today.  I know that.

I was ranting and raving and stomping and storming and cussing and fuming and pacing.  Did the players know?  Absolutely not.  Did the coach?  Not during the game.  Did the parents?  Oh hell yes, they did.  But you see, this is why I love this team.  They know me.  They know I am in a constant state of WTF right now with my Mom.  They understand that I needed to rage and it had very little to do with the game.

So what did they do?  They laughed.  Yes, you heard me right.  They LAUGHED. At me!  Can you believe that??  At one point I am standing with 2 of the moms I adore and was ranting about something when I looked over at one of them.  You could tell she was probably about to hurt something internally from the force it was taking to hold in her laughter.  Incredulously, I looked over at the other mom.  Her face pretty much mirrored the look.

“Are you laughing?  At me?  Are you really standing there laughing at me?!” I shrieked.

“Oh, hell yes, I am!” said the first mom who then was unable to hold it back any longer. Her laughter burst forth with so much force, I think she might have spewed her spleen through her nose.

My quick and witty comeback?  The one to silence them and make them quake silently in their shoes?  “Well….don’t do that.” I am SO the queen of the quick comeback.

It just made them laugh harder.

Oh, how I love the other moms on this team. They get it.  They know I am harmless.  They know that on Monday at practice I will be sitting on the sidelines with them laughing and joining them in yet another chorus of Kumbaya.  But they also knew that I needed to rant.  And I did. 

And I only think I made the coach wet his pants a little bit when I charged him after the game.  Just a little bit.

All in all, a great start to a new season.  Go team!

Ironically, (and completely not lost on the other parents), this is the shirt I was wearing:

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