When the silent auction has a smartass in it

When the silent auction has a smartass in it

When I do something that upsets people I care about, I want to make it right. When I anger friends unintentionally, I try to right that. So, in order to right a wrong, I will address it.

I owe you an apology for quitting the PTA and leaving you without my tales of tormenting my PTA. Please accept my humblest apologies. But wait! I would never leave you hanging. I have one for you!

This weekend was the annual dance and silent auction. The dance was fun. The auction? That is where the real fun was. It was as if there was a going out of business sale at Saks . These women left their brains at the door. To watch them frantically race from item to item scrawling in their name to ensure they put in the highest bid was like watching a basketball game in overtime. So much going on you almost don’t know where to look. I guarantee some of these women left with severe writer’s cramp!

But the pure entertainment came with the auctions that were designated for special activities with the teachers. These events range from a McDonald’s lunch to bowling with the teachers. It starts friendly. You sign your name and make a bid. These start at a couple of dollars. Well, seeing as we have had a rather rough year, I decided to bid forZarek on lunch with his teacher.  We both really love this teacher!  Easy enough.

I could nearly feel the wind whip through my hair as the Mad Mom Bidders raced to out bid me. They stood in a gang just in front of the sign-up sheet hanging on the wall. They would bid, step back and wait. The very moment someone else would bid, they would pounce on the sheet to outbid that parent. I stood back and watched as these women would salivate waiting to outbid anyone trying to win. So, this is how it is going to be? I thought. Oh, I can SO play this game! I decided to have a bit of fun.

I would walk away, look at other items and then casually walk back to the sheet and up the bid by a few dollars. Then $5.00. Before it was said and done, I had those women spending about $40 to have a McDonald’s lunch. (I confess. After $10.00, I had no intention of winning. But I was having a hell of a time watching them make the bid go higher and higher!)

I knew Z would want to win, but I also knew it wasn’t going to happen. I walked him over the sheet and discussed it with him–in earshot of these women.

Me: See, sweetie, every-time Mom signed up, another mom immediately outbid me.  See how many times I tried. 

Z: Why did they do that?

Me: Because sometimes people need to pay to get attention and others just need to pick up a phone and call them.

Z: So they are paying for the teacher to like them?

Me: Pretty much.

Z: How wrong!

Well, on it’s own that was enough.  However, shortly after returning home I get a phone call.

“We heard about the auction.  Do we need to skip our championship soccer game to come back for a take-down?”

It was my two favorite Stepfords in Denial (who are really not one of THEM, but more like me than they will admit in public.) They just try to hide it due to…well, comments like the above that I make.  They heard about the conversation and the way the Ladies With The Pens Of Fury were acting and wanted to know if I needed some back up bitches to bring them down. You just gotta love your girlfriends! I would completely out them by name, but I am sure that would get them some kind of karmic demerit on their PTA report card.

So, are we friends again now that I have given you a bit more PTA fodder again? 


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