Home in body, but still not here in spirit yet

Home in body, but still not here in spirit yet

I am finally back home.  Back with my kids and the chaos that reigns in my life.  I don’t even know where to begin to thank you all for your support.  It has blown me away to find so many comments and emails.  So many flowers and plants.  So many notes of support and sympathy.  You have no idea how much I needed that.  Thank you.  From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you.  I will get around to replying to you all, but right now, I am still in such a funk it is hard to do much of anything.

I feel as if I am walking around in a pool of molasses.  No matter what I try to do, it feels as if it is happening in slow motion.  I suppose things were just so hectic at Dad’s house with people coming and going and things to take care of that it was easier to get lost in details.  Here, life has gone on.  There, it was okay to push pause on everything and let it all be insignificant.  Now that I am home, it is all hitting me.  Hard.  I suppose I thought it would somehow be easier because we knew it was coming.  I was so wrong.  The grief sometimes hits me at strangest times.  In the grocery store when I see something that Mom would always have in her pantry.  An innocent comment on tv that means nothing but sends me into waves of tears.  This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to force myself to move through. 

Your support has meant so much to me. Thank you.  Just knowing the times when I feel all alone and sad that I have people who are thinking of me and sending me good wishes means everything to me.  It really does.  How amazing it is to find such love from people I have never met face to face.  It is a blessing in my life. 

You have my gratitude, my love and my deep appreciation.

I am not quite ready to talk about things or to do “the funny”, but I know it will come back soon.  If I could do just one thing to honor the memory of my Mom it would be to laugh.  She had the greatest sense of humor of anyone I have ever known.  So please be patient with me.  The funny will come.  Right now, I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other and get back into my life that I had abandoned for a month.  Stick with me, okay?


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