You don’t want to bite ME!

You don’t want to bite ME!

You know you were waiting for it. You know you wanted to hear it. So here you go.


I have told you before that we have a Doberman, Harley. A Doberman who weighs nearly 100 pounds but thinks he is a tiny Chihuahua. No concept that he is large. And strong. And has enormous teeth that can rip a face off of a human being with nary an effort. And this sweet little dog (okay, he really is sweet, but not so little) is very protective of his “pack” (meaning us…the family). Especially the little angel he thinks is his. Gabrie is his little one to care for, to protect and to lavish huge, wet tongue kisses on. Rule Number One: Never mess with Gabrie.

Well, silly me forgot Rule Number One. She and I were playing and tickling and giggling. Well, Harley thought that I most certainly must be hurting her. Why else would she screech so loudly? (Well, dumb dog, because she is a girl and that is what they do. LOUDLY!) The next thing I know, he comes running to her rescue.

“Screwing around with my girl, eh?” was the look in his eyes.

I should have been warned. I should have seen it coming. But nooooo. I was taunting him by PLAYING with my daughter.

Enough was enough. As I lay on the floor engaged in a very fun tickle-fest with the little angel, Harley went into protective mode.

And Bit me. ON THE ASS.

Not hard enough to do damage. Not hard enough to even hurt. Just hard enough to tell me that I better leave HIS girl the hell alone and to stop right then.

I turned and looked at him and he looked back like “Well? Game Over, lady?”

Oh HELL NO the game is not over. I leaned towards him. Got closer. Looked into his eyes and said, “Is that really how you want to play this, DoberButt?”

And then…

Then I bit him back.

Let me tell you something. When you bite a dog and that dog recognizes you as one of the pack leaders, it really is quite hilarious. The shocked look on his face could only be described as “What the hell did you just do?” He didn’t run. Or yelp. (Hey, I didn’t really bite him hard. Just enough to get his attention. A love nibble. But not.)

He walked over to Gabrie. Sniffed her to make sure she was okay. And huffed away. I swear this dog HUFFED away. Apparently Dobermans are not the kind of dog who think it is appropriate to have their humans bite them.

Gabrie looked at me wide eyed and said, “Mommy, that was just so gross! Did you get hair in your mouth? Really, Mommy, you shouldn’t bite the dog.”

And so I was told. By a 4 year old. That Mommies should not bite the dog. Now I know.

But damn, it was HILARIOUS to see the look on his face. And I can also tell you for sure that he won’t be biting me again anytime soon. He also gets very nervous if I bare my teeth at him now.

Wimp! I didn’t even bite that hard!


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