Does this dress make me look fat?

Does this dress make me look fat?

image The other day one of my children (whom I shall not name to protect the oh-so-guilty) told me that I was fat and added a twist of was I aware of that fact? (Okay, the actual words were “I think you are overweight and don’t know if you know it.”) I removed the knife from my gut and immediately put the child up for auction on e-bay.  (Starting bid only 99 cents!)

Seriously, as IF I am not aware that my ass has recently applied for it’s own zip-code.  I could blame it on stress.  For the love of all things stress eating related, I certainly deserve that one this year.  But no, I blame it on my daughter.  (What?!  As if she won’t grow up and blame everything on me anyway.) Okay, not so much my daughter as my 7 months spent on bed-rest while pregnant with my daughter in which my ass spread was proportional to my bump growth. I looked my best ever just before I got pregnant with her her.  (See?*) But even so, it isn’t like I am 5 weeks post-partum.  I am 5 years.  Five freaking ever-loving could’ve lost it by now years.  Guess blaming it on her is probably out, too.

What about age?  Can I blame it on age?  Genetics?  I can totally blame it on my Mom.  She would totally understand.  But again, still not practical or fair. 

So it looks like I have 2 choices.  (1) Bitch and moan and hate the way I look while continually avoiding activities that I should enjoy while crying and feeling miserable–thus making everyone around me miserable or (2) Do something.  As hard as that decision seems, I am totally going to just stop the bitching and moaning and self deprecating comments.  I am taking action.  But what to do?  What to do?  Do NOT even suggest giving up anything like caffeine, coffee or my occasional chocolate.  I would be forced to ban you and then hurt you.  Badly.  Besides, it isn’t the eating that is the problem.  I would have to say it is the lack of exercise.  But ohhhh how that bores the hell out of me.  I need fun.  I need excitement.  I need cheap.  I need suggestions.

So for now, here is the game plan.  First, I want your suggestions challenges.  Second, I am going to team up with someone to keep me accountable and urge me on.  Who?  Well, someone who is already doing this.  Someone who has a goal.  Someone who has already given the shout-out for challenges that I can follow with her.  (And then add to those the ones you offer up.) Who am I talking about?  Why Jenny of course who is doing an awesome job at her weight loss blog, Big Slice of Life, Small Slice of Cheesecake.

She has been incredibly brave in her openness about her weight loss.  (Don’t expect that.  I don’t even tell my husband what I weigh.) And she has an amazing diet plan going on–well, more a new way of eating and not so much a diet plan. (Don’t expect that either.  I don’t do plan ahead meals or anything as organized as such.) And she has decided to post some photos up documenting her exercise challenges.  (Okay, maybe I will steal that idea because that is hilarious.)

Anyway, it is on.  Three weeks until the beach.  Two months until BlogHer.  IT. IS. ON.

* Yes, I know this photo is not recent and that I have blonde hair.  (Blonde is real.  Red looks more natural.  Go figure!) This picture was taken by one of my very best friends ever about a year or so before I got pregnant with Gabriella.  It is a motivation and reminder that I need to get back to this look.  But without the cheesy pose.  I can lose that, too.  (Now if only I can find the picture of me in the smokin’ black dress I wore to my sister’s wedding. THAT is real motivation!)


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