Summer is here. It is hot and the kids are out of school. (Yea! No more school! This school year has been one horrific mass of deadlines, missed activities and writing notes explaining why my kid was once again absent. (Grand totals: 30 for one son and 18 for the other. Do I rock or what? And they both get to pass their respective grades. Miracles happen. Being a scary bitch of a mother doesn’t hurt either.)
But do you know what that means? Summer is HERE. The kids are OUT of school. All day. Every day. For many, many days. Oh sure, that includes the fact that I can sleep in, but it also means I usually am awakened to the blissful sounds of arguing. Or those of my daughter smacking me with a Barbie asking if I want to be awake now to play. (Which makes me ask, sweetheart, did the slobber sleeping, snoring and hiding under the blanket with my eyes closed shout out to you, “Let’s play Barbie!”??)
This is where I tell you about the many wonderful activities I have planned for the kids and the amazing fun yet educational things we have planned. Only, not so much. My plan? Keeping them alive until 5:00pm when their Dad gets home. Because OH the ARGUING between the boys can make a sane woman lose her mind. (And last I checked there were not many people who were associating my name and sane together. So imagine the flipped outedness (is so a word!) that occurs daily. And from the girl…OH the TALKING. Talking so much. Talking nonstop. Did I mention the TALKING? Not even I talk that much and I have been known to babbleass with the best of them. I actually resorted to calling my sister and handing the phone over to Gabriella to TALK TALK TALK to her for a while.
This is where the spotlight shines brightly on my lack of Stepford Parenting style.
“Mom?! (Must be shouted for some unknown, ungodly reason) Can I play on your computer?!”
“Does it involve me having to do anything?”
“Knock yourself out, son!”
That, I can totally deal with and do so relatively guilt free. It is the little one that is going to kill me.
“Mom?! (Again with the shouting??) Let’s play with my Barbies and stuffed animals. What character do you want to be?”
“I want to be the sleeping one. You know the one who has to lay down and sleep while the others are busy cleaning their rooms.”
“Mom! There is no such character.”
“Sleeping Beauty. She gets to sleep until her prince…who would be your Daddy…comes home to kiss her awake.”
“Mooommmmmm. No Sleeping Beauty.”
“Okay, how about the hospital patient who is sick in bed and you are the amazing Dr. Gabriella with her team of miraculous animals who have to come up with the miracle cure in your lab but I have to lay here until you do.”
“Mom. That is SO not a fun game.” [Sounded fun to me.]
“Okayyyyy, so how about hide and seek? You go hide and I will come find you.”
“No, Mom. You always forget to come look for me.” [How cute! She still believes I forget to come look.]
We usually end up playing a board game or something to do with animals and vets and Pokemon. (Who really, really needs to just die already!) Occasionally, we play Princess where Gabrie gets all dressed up for the ball and Mommy gets to play the wicked Stepmother forced to clean the house. (Damn Disney!) The point being, all of her games are made up in her head. No set rules. They are always made up in her mind as we go along. There is no way for anyone but Gab to win. But alas, it is good for her to play these games, so I do my best to join in. (But she still never lets me play the sleeping character. We will work on that this summer.)
So tell me, friends, what do you have planned for and/or with your kids this summer? Remember my kids are 12, 10 and 5, so it makes it hard to find something for everyone. This week we get to coast. Also known as slacking off, being lazy, hanging out, indulging our inner sloth and just out and out being nonproductive slugs.
But next week? Next week I should actually pretend that I have a plan. This is where your suggestions come in. Help. Me. (Because if you don’t, I will call you and let Gabriella talk to you until she has nothing left to say. And trust me, I have not seen that moment before. Ever.) Now then, I am off to make sure that my place on the couch does not get too cool. Must use my ass as the couch warmer. It is my job this week. And I can’t be neglecting my job!