See how nice I was in the last entry? How sweet and loving I was in regards to my husband. Well, it is not our anniversary anymore. And whereas I do still love him, he is still a man and says things that –let’s be honest here– get him into trouble. I do understand it is not intentional, but nevertheless, he would be found guilty in a room full of my peers. (Wives.)
Occasionally (okay often) I call him near the end of his work day to see when he will be heading home. I am not so much checking up in him as I am trying to decide if I have enough sanity left in me until he makes it home. That, and sometimes he has things to do after work. Or nights he has to work late. Or sometimes, yes, I just like to bug the hell out of him. So sue me! But this particular time last week I called just to see if he had any idea when he might be home so I could plan dinner. (I said PLAN dinner not COOK dinner.)
Me: So, any idea when you might be heading this way. (Called after his normal time that he leaves, I might add.)
Me: Umm, well, so I can plan the evening and stuff.
Me: You know….figure out dinner plans, see if you would even be home for dinner. Those kinds of things.
Him: (And people, take note, this is where he messed up.) Well, I just don’t see how that pertains to you or what you are doing. How does when I leave effect what you are going to do?
Me: How it “pertains to me”?! No you didn’t.
Him: (Well, really just insert whatever backpedaling and ‘oh-shit’ ways of a man trying to get out of something he innocently said that pissed off his wife unexpectedly.)
Since that day last week, there have been many times I have taken advantage of that phrase.
What’s for dinner?
I ate. How does your hunger pertain to me (or apply to me–as they are interchangeable)?
I am out of clean socks.
I wear sandals, so how exactly does that pertain to me?
This house is getting out of control with clutter.
Really? I can pretty much look past that, so how exactly does this pertain to me?
See? It works in any situation. Oh, sure, I will let it drop. (But will reserve the right to revive it at will and my whims.)
Try it. I really is quite fun! And before you get mad at me for beating a dead horse (or an error in comment judgement by my husband) remember that we have been together 19 years. The statute of limitations of overlooking comments like that passed like 9 years ago. And don’t think he doesn’t do it back to me. I am just the one who blogs it.
So before you say, “How rude!” might I say to to you…
…How exactly does that pertain to me?