Hear me, dear Internet, because I think I have figured it out. I am going to have to take some drastic changes in my life in order to get things under control. Here they are in no particular order. No, wait, they are in some particular order, I just don’t happen to know what that is. Okay, so onto things.
1. I am going to stop saying (out-loud, in type or in my own head): “I am going to devote more time to my blogs. I can SO take this thing to the next level.” Why? Because inevitably the Fates hear me and laugh that maniacal laugh that makes the Earth tremble and my car feel the need to drive to Houston with me in it. Because someone, somewhere is crying out: Damn the Fiber Optic connection! Get her down here with dial-up! Slow computers! And tragedy! (Sticky fingered children included!)
2. I will no longer say “Sure, I can do that. I have enough free time.” Why? Because the Time Sucking Vacuum switches on to full suck wattage mode and any “free time” becomes manic-oh-no-now-what-am-I-going-to-do time. (Complete with sticky fingered children!) As I go running frantically to and fro looking for free time, my free time is sucked away. Sucked. Slurp! The more I look, the higher the suck wattage power indicator goes. So, no more saying I have f-r-e-e t-i-m-e.
3. July will be wiped off of future calendars. Of course, this means figuring out how to nudge BlogHer to another time or time warping just into those few days. Otherwise, July sucks. People go into the hospital. Friends freak the hell out. Finances implode. Wait. That should be IMPLODE with great implications of explosive noises and shrapnel going everywhere. Boom! July. Not so much fond of you. I shall make a new month and call it “Nothing Bad Happens Because Jenn is Sick of Crisis and Chaos” (NBHBJiSoCC for short. Or maybe just SoCC. We’ll discuss.)
4. Finally, I will never say never. Always say sometimes. Never say always. But frequently say whatever. Because, really, at this point…
WHATEVER!
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