Hair raising confrontation

Bad, bad blogger for not updating you on the Hair Fiasco.  So here’s the scoop.

Friday morning I dressed to the nines to make sure I looked like someone that had places to go and people to deal with in order to not be blown off as non-Stepford in the world of Stepford.  I took the advice given and decided to go in with an open mind.  (Or at least do my best to fake it.) My son was suddenly freaked out that his mother would make a scene.  (Who me?) To be perfectly honest, I was just not up for a fight but more than that, I just didn’t feel that I should drop it, either.

I dropped of Brandon in order to not humiliate him by having a MOM at the SCHOOL.  After parking, I went in armed with my copy of the Student Handbook and a notebook.  “To take notes.” When I got to the office and asked for the Dean, I went through the typical “Do you have an appointment?” Of course, I answered, “No, but she will see me.  I can wait.” It was less than a minute or so before the Dean was standing behind me, all smiles and rah rah.  Walking to her office, I saw THREE kids outside.  For HAIR violations.  [insert eyeroll here] Those kids opened that door wide open for me to barge on in with my, “Surely you are not serious with this ridiculousness” speech.  She took the approach of “If I smile and keep telling her I am on her side and we are in this together, then she won’t be mad.” I took the approach of, “I will smile but think of this as a dog baring her teeth.”

The deal with not having a policy in the Handbook was solved immediately when she handed me a sheet of paper with the new rules that “went out to everyone this summer.” Of course, it was the first I had seen it. The rule states among things prohibited are:  “Anything that impairs vision (Hair or clothing)” So, since it is an addendum to policy I had to take another approach.

That approach was to basically raise hell (with a smile) that I was NEVER contacted about this and “isn’t that rather ridiculous” and “how is that teamwork” and “shouldn’t parents be made aware of such a “horrendous violation that much seriously impair every aspect of learning”?  She claimed it was her bad in not calling me.  (DUH!) and then went on with the kumbaya attitude.

Let me pause here to remind you (or tell you if you are not familiar with) a saying from the South.  (I may be paraphrasing, but you get the idea here.) “A Southern woman can look at you with a smile on her face, tell you to eat shit and you will walk away with a spoon feeling as if you were just complimented.” Maybe it is the Southern drawl of just the way we were raised, but trust me, it works.  I have lived in the South all of my life and have it down to an art form.  It came in handy here.

After knowing that I couldn’t fight the policy or the lack of a phone call (which I did get very angry about), I could put her on the spot with specifics.

“Exactly how long is too long?’

“Where can it fall on his face?”

“What about length in the back?’

“Color?  Is there a color policy?”

“What about mohawks?  I see nothing about mohawks?”

“Is this applied to girl as well?”

On and on it went until we were down to the EXACTS as I wrote them down.  I am sure she made them up as she went, but I have them in writing.  Then I turned to her with my Southern smile and asked, “Do you really feel this is important, I mean the MOST important issue here when this school has the worst reputation for sexual promiscuity in the district and is only a middle school, as well as having girls who dress as if their second job must be on a street corner somewhere?  Because I pick my son up everyday and I see the way the kids are dressing and their hair.  I could pull 30 out just during pick up time alone that you would have to focus on.  Is that your priority here over education?’ (See?  Southern smile and drawl but total eat shit moment.)

She stammered and said she was cracking down on “all of that” and thank you for bringing it to her attention.  (Translation:  “Bitch Mom can you leave now?”)

We talked a bit more about how to get the kids more involved in school clubs and activities.  You should be proud, I did not even throw up in my own mouth at all!  (Okay a little, but not much.)

I mentioned some issues with teachers and we spoke about –shocking I know–education.  We talked about EDUCATION at a SCHOOL.  I know, it pales in comparison to HAIR, but I thought maybe there might be an interest.  *eyeroll*

The bottom line is that if he pulls the hair out of his eyes, he is fine.  And it turns out he didn’t have to serve his ISS-lunch afterall.  Which says so much more than if he had to.  The Mom who makes the most noise, gets the attention?  Absofreakinridiculous!

And for the record we have not and have no plans to cut his hair.

She drew a line in the sand and I plan on keeping my toes right there on the edge.  Let’s get real, people. It’s HAIR!

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