I have a crush on three women

I have a crush on three women

imageSee these three women?  Love. Them. (They are totally my new BFFs!  Really!  Call in and ask them.) They are the Radio Ritas.  Who needs Match dot com or any online dating service to crush on someone when you have Greenstone Media to find soul mates?  This morning I had the incredible chance to speak with all three of these women.  At the same time!  Who knew I could talk while in a dead faint?  But I think I spoke.  I laughed a lot because with these women, how can you not? (Ladies, I swear, there is more to me than the Texas twang and a laugh.  I use words…not always eloquently, but I have been known to talk before. A lot.  Or so they tell me when I am told to take a breath and stop talking.) If you do not know of the Radio Ritas, stop what you are doing now and go here and listen to their latest show.  You will laugh.  You will relate.  You will want to shower me with gifts of gratitude and praise for introducing you to them.  All of which I am totally fine with!

Look again at that picture.  Now tell me they aren’t women I would totally get along with.  Attitude with class. (And a bit of irreverence throw in for good measure.)

So when I get on the phone I am told I am on speaker phone with all three of them.

“All three Ritas are sitting right there right now?” (Yes, I said that on speaker phone.)

I immediately hear one of them spout out, “No. Nope. Not at all.”

Ahhhhh, this will work out.  The first words are sarcasm?  I can do this.  Without vomiting with nerves or gushing all over them.

imageFrom there it just started.  None of the awkward, “I am that blogger you don’t know that gushed all over you and therefore was given this great chance to talk to you because everyone was tired of me begging to get in touch with you.”

In fact, they said they were reading my blog.  My blog.  This blog.  Right here.  The Radio Ritas read my blog and verbally commented on things I wrote.  How I didn’t fall into a dead faint right there is beyond me.  But I managed to babble-ass something somewhat intelligent.  Let’s leave it at something. 

But they were so comfortable (as if you were talking with your new best friends), so I relaxed…some.

You’re worried for me at this point, aren’t you?  You are reading this with your hand covering your eyes and peeking through your fingers, aren’t you.  It’s okay.  It did at first feel a bit like a blind date.  They were telling me about themselves.  (As if there was any need whatsoever to sell me on them.  Sold.  Many shows ago.) And then I would do the “so enough about you let’s talk about me” thing that no one appreciates, but everyone has to deal with now and then.

Then, it relaxed more.  I asked them about Motherhood and what they will or will not talk about.  Perfect answer:  “If I am paying for your college tuition or bills, anything you say or do is open game for me to use in my act.” (Paraphrased because they had me laughing so much, I wasn’t taking the best of notes.  I just wanted to enjoy the conversation.  Marinate in the moment. Not vomit from nerves.  You know the drill.) I am so stealing that philosophy for my blogs.  (Thanks!)

After talking to them and getting to know them a bit better, I have to tell you the secret to their success.  Yes, the inside track on why you should be, must be and really want to be listening to them.  They are funny as hell!  Honestly.  They appeal to both men and women alike.  They are not strictly Talk Radio for Women Only–The PMS Show.  They make women laugh.  They make men laugh.  I think at one point, my Doberbutt laughed, but he may have been hacking on a bone.  They have been accused (based on a reporter looking at the website ONLY and not listening to the show) that they are denigrating women.  Say what?!  That is based in about as much truth as my saying I am a size 2 supermodel who can eat whatever she wants and has never had a bad day.  These women are empowering women through their show, their talk and their amazing ability to reach an audience of both men and women.  That is not denigrating women.  That is empowering listeners, people.

imageWe talked about Nelsie’s book, The Playgroup.  (Yes, there is a link for you to go buy it.  Go on.) I talked to Nelsie about the how awful it is and how much it fundamentally changes your life so much when your Mom dies.  (She lost her Mom about a month ago.) She asked how it is 9 months in and does it get better.  Do you know how much I wanted to tell her that it totally gets easy and the pain is totally gone.  But I totally relate to her, so I had to be honest enough to tell her that it gets easier but I can’t say easy.  We talked about how hard it is to lose your Mom especially after a long illness.  (At this point I totally wanted to crawl through the phone and hug her and then take her out for coffee.)

We talked about the fact that the “stronger than I am” Cory has not had a hot cup of coffee in two years because it takes all day to get through one cup when you have a 2 year old and you are forced to keep nuking it 15 times before you finish it.  (Honestly, by the time you get to the 16th time, it is just sludge and it is best to start with a new cup.  Just my advice to her.) Cory has a child in college and one in diapers.  I am working out how to get that medal to her because if my child went to college and someone told me “Guess what!  You are starting all over!” I would need a medal to make it through that.  Maybe I’ll just send her a box of single serve coffee filters and a coffee pot that makes coffee one cup at a time and include a DO NOT DISTURB sign she can hang on her bathroom door to hide from the toddler so she can have at least half a cup of hot coffee.

And Maureen.  I adore her.  After talking with Maureen, I want to immediately find a way to Fed-Ex her any fertile eggs I have left so she can have a healthy baby.  OR, I can just send her one of my kids.  (Take your pick Maureen.  You can have the teen or tween.  The kindergartener has not turned on me yet, so I am keeping her for a while.) Honestly, if I could, I would wave my fertility wand over her and bless her with the baby of her dreams.  She totally deserves it.  She is funny, kind and most importantly wants a baby.  Send baby mo-jo her way.  Or your eggs.  Either one would be nice.

I even was able to try to go the intelligent route as we spoke about consumerism.  (Money.) The fact that women make up to 80% of the household purchases–even the big ones like cars–that it is about time people (aka: The Man) realizes this and opens doors wider to let women in.  We are buying.  You should be marketing to us.  Now this, this I had enough experience with to talk about.  I might have sounded even a little bit as if I knew what I was talking about.  It was the passionate, “Yes!  I agree!  I understand the words you are saying!”

I know we talked about more.

I think I proposed to at least one of them.

I might have told them more than once twice twelvity-hundred times that I love them.

I know you trust me.  (Yes, you do.) So go on right now and listen to their latest broadcast. Tune in to listen to them live from 6am – 9am (EST) You will thank me.  You will.  And I will accept your gifts of gratitude. 

And of course, me being me, I ended the interview with this question:  “So, when do you want me on your show.”

Yes.  Yes, I did.  I will let you know.  We are BFFs now, so it is all good.


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