Mommy Hell meet Mommy Guilt. Mommy Guilt meet Mommy Hell.

Mommy Hell meet Mommy Guilt. Mommy Guilt meet Mommy Hell.

Teenager: temperature of 101 degrees

Tween:  temperature over 102 degrees

Kindergartner: temperature hovering around 100

Mom:  hiding in the closet

Help me!  I am in Mommy Hell.  That place when every child (I once had three but I think I might have 6 or 7 right now) is sick and wants and needs your UNDIVIDED attention.

Mooooooom!  Just sit with me.” (I can give you 5 minutes before I have to run to your sister.) GUILT!

Moooooommmm!  Can’t you come lay down with me?” (Sure, sweetie.  I can give you about 5 minutes before I have to go run to your brother.) GUILT!

Mooooooooooommmm!  Why do I have to do this homework when I am this sick?” (Because your school is threatening you and me if you don’t go to school tomorrow* and they think it is better that you do this than be healthy.  Don’t worry.  Mommy is adequately pissed off.) GUILT!

Holy mother of mayhem I am in a ward of infectious people who all want me to help them incubate their germs into my own body in order to rid them of theirs.  (I would if I could!) Is it wrong to spray Lysol through your vent system of your house?  Or worse, to spray your child before hugging him or her?

*No, I am not kidding about the way the middle school is acting.  Yes, the school is saying he has to be there.  Yes, Mom is pissed.  And yes, I hope he infects every child in his class so I can email them all and explain why he was there.

I am in a frantic state of tears tonight because:

(a) I cannot be all things to all of my children right now and they all need me to be there for them and them alone.

(b) I hate my son’s school with such a passion right now and am feeling so trapped that I have no idea what to do.  Transfer schools?  Homeschool? MOVE? (Yes, I am actually contemplating moving to get away from this school.) Go up to the school in my current state tomorrow morning and just by my mere insane look and my wild eyes and freakishly bizarre outfit and scare the hell out of them without ever muttering a word so they will stop bullying me and my son?

And of course the classic:

(c) I have to work but more importantly I have to mother and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO BOTH at the same time?

Okay, now that I have been a virtual dumping ground and pity party, I have to go back to my closet and cry some more before round two of the MOM-Chorus begins.  Help!


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