I had a story I wanted to tell you today, but last night my sister and Dad decided to trump it. So you get two for the price of one today. Yes, I know it is generous of me!
Last night somewhere between Laila Ali’s perfect 30 and Ian Ziering’s Mambo, my sister called. You see in our family if you are calling from either a strange number or from your cell phone at a bizarre time, there is a certain protocol you must–and I mean MUST– follow. You first state where you are [this is usually the emergency room for us] immediately followed by [state person’s name that you brought to the ER] is okay however [state reason for the ER visit]. Then you are required to choose whether or not there is a need for the person you called to begin packing or just wait by the phone for further developments.
We have this phone call dance down to a perfect art form. The following is an example:
“Hi. It’s Chelle. I am with Dad in the ER but he is okay and it is not his heart. [Totally following the script. ] He choked on something and cannot get it to move, so they are in with him now. No need for panic. I will call you when I know something.”
After that I asked the normal questions [normal for us] to determine if I am getting the entire story. After realizing I am, I begin to ask the irrelevant ones like “Did you remember to bring a sweater or jacket? Tell me you are not in flip flops! Did you at least bring a book?” And of course an added, “You are totally missing Dancing with the Stars, you know!” Focus on the important, I always say. Actually, I never say that. However, with everything we have had thrown at us when it comes to hospitals, we can slip right into inane babbling once we get the details down.
Three phone calls and a few hours later I was on the phone with Dad. Being the loving daughter I am I believe my words were something along the lines of “Dude. CHEW. That is covered in Eating 101!”
Sometimes I do have to wonder how other families handles these ER calls. Each one of us has either been the one in the hospital or the one taking someone or the one receiving the call SO MANY TIMES that we know not to panic or worry until the part of the script that determines whether or not your presence is required. That one is never good. The best are the ones like I had last night where there is no overnight stays, no major surgeries and of course no ICU involvement.
I never thought the day would come when I would be laughing about an ER visit and cracking jokes as my sister sat in the waiting room. Perspective. It is all about what you have already been through and what you can handle. But seriously, I totally would like to tag someone else and take a break from all hospitals and crisis modes for a while. Say, perhaps maybe FOREVER! Or at least a year. We can’t go a month around here. But as I said, this one was a blip and thankfully everyone is okay. *phew*
Now, in case you are having a case of the Mondays on Tuesday I will tell you a story that is bound to make you feel better about yourself. If for no other reason than you are not me. And some days that is just a bonus! Have I mentioned that I am both a klutz and that I startle very easily? When I say I am a klutz I don’t mean that I occasionally trip on something. I mean I fall into pools and hot tubs for no apparent reason and do really embarrassing things like tripping over the pant legs of my own yoga pants SIX TIMES today alone.
So the other morning I decided to be a good Mom and stop by a convenience store to grab some Bawls for the teen and pick up a Frappuccino