My genes are innocent. I blame it on bottled water.

My genes are innocent. I blame it on bottled water.

I came home from BlogHer with ulcers on my corneas. Feel free to vomit in your mouth over the pain that you must be imagining. It is that awful. The first day, I had to put drops in my eyes every 15 minutes. I didn’t even pee that often when I was 9 months pregnant and I had a 9 pound baby playing soccer with my bladder. Sadly, I was able to judge this by the mid-point of every NickJr show that exists and I was forced to watch listen to.

(Sidenote: If I have to listen to Timmy Turner one more day I am going to jam that little pink hat right down his tiny little pip squeak voiced throat. And Jimmy Neutron? Thinking of putting his big over-sized head into a very tight vice and give him and atomic noogie. I’m just sayin’!)

At least the next day was up to every half hour. I could move on to the Disney Channel half hour shows. (What? For all intents and purposes, I was blind. How could I do anything more with my kids?)

After putting the antibiotic drops in my eyes for about the bajillionth dose that day, I complained about the nasty taste. My wonderful smart-ass son spoke up:

“It tastes bad? You said it tastes bad? You do know you have to put them in your EYES mom. Your. EYES. I’m pretty sure your EYES don’t have tastebuds.”

Who raised this boy? It’s not like he got that kind of smart mouth from me!

And then of course I have my tween who must’ve received that gene from his father as well. While going to put in my new Wild Hogs DVD, I began to get quite irritated with the chaos of the state of our DVDs. They are disorganized. Uncategorized. A mess. The majority of them having been ransacked by the kids. All three of them. So I began to rant about it.

“Where is my new DVD? Where? I have not even had the chance to watch it. What happened? I cannot find it anywhere in this house! Arghhhhh!”

To which my tween looks at me and calmly says:

“The one in your hand, Mom? That one? Ummm, maybe if you had put it on the shelf or say…the DVD player, it would’ve been easier to find.”

Seriously? Where did this come from. I blame their father. Those of you who know their father will most certainly agree. Those of you who do not know him, certainly will agree. It isn’t like I am a smart-ass. Right? RIGHT?!

4 thoughts on “My genes are innocent. I blame it on bottled water.

  1. I came home with a corneal ulcer too! It’s like we were leading parallel lives there!

    And I know we didn’t give them to each other…we were like ships passing in the night. So who’s the culprit? Who’s Patient Zero?

    I am finally feeling 100%, but it took well over a week. Hope you’re feeling better too.

  2. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I hope they get better soon. I am having sympathy pains just thinking about it! As far as blaming your husband? I thought everybody did that. In my household, it’s always his fault.

    And by the way…I hate Jimmy and Timmy as well, but not nearly as bad as Sponge Bob….

    Hope the eyes get better soon!

  3. If you push in on the inner corner of your eye right after you put the drops in, they won’t travel into your sinuses and you won’t taste them. That’s what we nurses have to do when we administer eyedrops and we don’t want them to be absorbed systemically.

    Gosh! Ulcers on your eyes! I am so squeezing my butt cheeks together at the thought of such pain.

  4. How can you be a Mom and NOT be sarcastic sometimes- especially when they are little and it goes right over their heads! What fun! 🙂

    On the other hand, they do kinda pick it up by osmosis that way. Yeah, stick with the water story. Deny deny deny!

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