Six ways to make your teen want to eat off his own face

Six ways to make your teen want to eat off his own face

As the days of summer dwindle down to a close, we have been filling them with “fun” and “exciting” things to do to make up for the “nothingness” and “boring” things that filled our (longer than normal for us) summer. Many of which make my teen roll his eyes to such an extreme they truly might stick that way. A few of which include the following.

1. Insisting on naming a GPS after a 70 year-old hooker. And then never stopping with the jokes when we are in the car listening to her tell us where to go. (More than once, she, too, was told where to go when her directions are not so accurate. I have no sense of direction, Matilda! You must be accurate with these things!)

2. Singing off key, off pitch and way out of control with the karaoke feature of Boogie. While gyrating around the room and singing my very best (also known as most horrific) rendition of “You’re the One That I Want” from Grease. He actually said that eating his own face would be less painful. (But yet he stayed and watched. Probably in horror. But he stayed.)

3. Getting my funky on while driving. No, I amend that to getting my funky on while driving and listening to Radio Disney while Hannah Montana was singing. ( “Moooooooom! You are not in an invisible car. People can see you!” To which I replied, “I don’t know them. I don’t care!” Then proceeding to get my funky on. With more funk.)

4. Taking all three kids to see the Simpsons Movie and eagerly proclaiming, “I want to see that!” and then “Ohhhh, I really want to see that one!” to just about every movie preview that was shown. THEN I had the nerve to laugh at the funny parts of the movie. OUT. LOUD. People heard me! So rude of me. I know. Oh, and then singing the Spider Pig song All. Day. Long.

5. Watching a scene in Wild Hogs and then picking up and continually using the phrase, “Because sometimes you just have to slap the bull!” and taking a quick shot at his arm. He was not amused. I laughed until I snorted. More than once. (That one will last a while.)

6. Planning with much glee and probably a lit bit too enthusiastically a High School Musical II viewing party. With singing. And dancing. And much anticipation. (He is horrified. Which, as you know, makes it all the more fun.)

So, see, I am being productive as the summer winds down. I am making my son long to be in school to avoid the humiliation that is his MOM. (Little is he aware that I will be volunteering in the school and will be bringing my fun brand of crazy there, too!)

18 thoughts on “Six ways to make your teen want to eat off his own face

  1. You are my hero! I live for the day that I can torment my own son this way (he’s 3, so he thinks my craziness is just wonderful now!) My father used to try these things when I was in those tender, early adolescent years….then I turned the tables on him. Until the munchkin grows up I will have to live vicariously. Or, I can torture my hubby, but it’s just not the same……

  2. My 13yo daughter was mor.ti.fied! when she was nosing through my purse and found a VCF packet in there. I watched and waited as she read the packet and the look on her face as the realization that Oh My Gawd, My Mom Has Sex! set in. PRICELESS! I told her to stop snooping through my purse and she wouldn’t have to deal with things like that.

  3. I signed up to chaperone my pre-teen’s middle school dance. She was MORTIFIED.

  4. Ooh, I can’t wait, my kids are way to young to embarrass, but we can drive them crazy. We saw the Simpson’s movie a week after it came out, and are still singing that song.

  5. This works just as well with nephews, trust me. I strongly recommend:

    1. Playing “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of your car stereo’s volume and whipping your hair around like Wayne & Garth at the appropriate moments.

    2. Dancing and singing in Lane Bryant to the 70s disco “I Will Survive” and Donna Summer tunez.

    Your 12 and 13 year old nephews will love you for it. As did mine.

  6. I tell them the same thing every time they tell me I’m embarrassing them.

    “It’s my job as your parent to embarrass you honey!”

    You are truly my soul sister.

  7. Remind him that embarrassing our kids is a rite of passage. He’ll do it to his own someday.

    I wanted to host a High School Musical 2 party until some mom beat me to it. I hope yours is a blast!

  8. I love this! I managed to embarrass my daughter so many times. She’s twenty now, and has learned to avoid me in public a little better. I’m sure she’ll get even some day.

  9. My 12-year-old daughter thinks I’m bad? I try to contain myself for her benefit some times, but I think after reading this, I’m going to let loose a little more. Of course, lately, all I have to do is threaten to wear some form-fitting outfit (I’m 7 mos pregnant) and she’s “outta there.”

    Funny though, she’s willing to tolerate most anything out of me — singing, ugly maternity clothes, etc. — if I’m spending money on her at the mall. Then I’m not so embarrassing.

  10. Boogie sounds like SO.MUCH.FUN!!

    I sang the Spider Pig song all weekend after I saw the Simpson’s. I also kept saying, “Praise Jeebus,” and collapsing into laughter. My kids totally hate it when I do that.

    And? I was just in the little town (Madrid, NM) where Wild Hogs was filmed last month. But I haven’t seen the movie yet.

  11. Ahhh so embarrassing teenagers is your favorite pass time too eh? lol

    My fave saying is “I was put on this earth to embarras the hell out of my teenagers”.

    You’re too funny. I would have been laughing, singing, and doing the wave with you. HA

  12. I so love your parenting style!

    Just a couple weeks ago I was boogying down in the car to Brickhouse. My children, especially the 12 year old,were horrified! But then last week on the Singing Bee she knew the words! LMAO!

    And Jenn, we could so hang out. (I even thought about you as I drove through Dallas all 4 times in the last two weeks!) I haven’t even gotten to see the movie yet and I LOOOOVE Spiderpig. You should go read my post about seeing the preview. We’re going to see the whole movie Friday and will probably need EMS standing by!

  13. I love love love embarrassing my 14 and 12 year olds. I live for it! And it is so easy. All I have to do is be “me”, just doing the regular things I do, like breathing. It is fabulous.

  14. So funny! I would give anything to be embarrassed by my dad again. Oh, the things we take for granted when we’re young.

  15. I am so happy to hear that I am not the only mom that gets her funky funk on to Hannah Montana. Sweet Nibblets, that’s a good show. HM is going on tour with special guest the Jonas Brothers, by the way. EEEEEEEE!!!!

    And don’t even get me started on HSM2. I can’t wait.

  16. You are a woman after my own heart. I love doing things like that to my pre-teen (12). I consider it my job and work at improving my technique daily. On the first day of school when the bus pulled up I quickly pulled her into a hug and gave her a big loud kiss on the cheek. Then, as she was climbing up the steps I shouted out “MAKE GOOD CHOICES! I LOVE YOU!” And proceed to blow kisses at her as they drove off.

    My 9 year old is not embarrassed but such behavior. She thinks it’s awesome and that I’m funny. It’s a win-win situation for me.

    On a side note, I need to get a GPS. I am the queen of directionally challenged.

  17. Oh the joy of humiliating a teenager! My kids hated it when I would loudly burst into song in the middle of the grocery store. Some times those kids need to lighten up!

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