Last night we had open house for the teen. The students can go, but it is basically for the parents to see the classrooms, meet the teachers and hear what is expected of the kids that year. Since the boy was sick that day, he stayed home. In each class the teacher would ask about him. I got used to the usually response.

“He’s fine. Doing much better. He should be here tomorrow.”

Of course all of that was spoken in my very best Stepford, smiling way. (Have to make a good impression after all.)

Then we met his Theatre teacher and things went downhill. As with every other class, we walked in and introduced ourselves. I expected the same banter I had the previous 5 classes. But no.

She shakes my hand and says, “How’s your mom?”

I replied, “Fine…well…only…ummm… just.. a little bit dead.”

Complete with the hand gesture for “a little bit.” (I can’t make this stuff up.)

I looked at my husband. His mouth was agape with horror.

Flustered and horrified, I frantically slithered to the back of the classroom and sat down. My husband sat down in front of me and turned to look at me.

“What?” I hissed at him.

” ‘Fine? Just a little bit dead?‘ Are you kidding me?”

“She threw me off guard. That is not a normal question. Either you know my situation or you just don’t ask because that is not normal open house conversation. She was supposed to ask about the boy!” I snarled back at him. “What was I supposed to say?”

“Well, just about anything would have been better than that!” Then he turned around shaking his head at his poor pathetic wife.

So, I did what anyone sitting in a junior high classroom who wants to become invisible does. I sank as low in my chair as I could and began to pick at my nail polish just praying the bell would ring soon so I could bolt out of there before anyone noticed me.

I certainly hope she didn’t say anything important because I definitely didn’t hear a word of it.

My bigger mistake came when I relayed the story to the teen.

“Mom! Now she is going to think my mom is completely crazy!”

I gave him my very best ‘Well, DUH‘ look.

[Updated to add: It is okay to laugh at this! I think the teacher had me confused with another parent who probably had a mom who was sick. And trust me when I say, my Mom would think it is hysterical that I answered that way. I think it is funny. The things I say. This is why I am not allowed in public often.]