My day usually starts like most people. I beat the alarm clock until it stops telling me to get up. I stumble out of bed and blindly find my way to my coffee pot. I wait with eyes half open (a full roll of paper towels makes a great pillow, by the way) and then try so hard to be a functioning adult. But really, that starts about 2 cups into the coffee. Who are these perfect coiffed and made-up women who drop kids off at school at 7:00am with a smile on their face? See? Stepford because, honey, that is not right. And if you happen to have a conversation with me in the morning, it goes about like this one:
(We were talking about other people’s lack of planning becoming our emergencies and how we end up holding the bag.)
Her: That’s why I make the big buck I suppose.
Me: I made a big buck once. I spent it on a big coffee. It was awesome. Now I make chump change and spend it on….well, coffee. So, either way…woohooo.
Her: Coffee rules either way!
Me: Let us take a moment to appreciate the glorious beauty that is coffee in all of its holiness.
Her: /angels sing/ /bows to the altar of half and half/
Me: Let us pray: Our java who art in Starbucks, hallowed be thy name. Thy caffeine come, thy work be done at home and in the office. Give us this day our daily caffeine. Forgive us our late nights as we forgive those who kept us up late. Lead us not into half caff and deliver us from caffeine free. For thine is the java, the jolt and the caffeine rush forever. Amen.
Her: Alleluia. Alleluia. Alleluia, Alleluia. Al-leeeeee-luuuuuuuu-ia.
Her: Did I ever tell you I discovered a hidden Starbucks just yards from my office? Yep, pretty much just around the corner, never knew it was there.
Me:They hid a Starbucks from you? Sounds like you need to demand free coffee from them!
Her: It was a sight to behold when I figured it out.
Me: I would have wept. Openly.
Her: I weep openly every time I had over my debit card.
Me: Tis true. Outrageous prices. (Yet, I still go!) Oh and this seasonal type coffee? What is up with that. SO wrong! My Dulce de Leche Latte being seasonal? SO not right. In fact…very wrong! Wrong. Bad wrong.
Her: Indeed, but, I’ll have you know I haven’t touched a pumpkin spice latte all season. I’ve never had a Dulce de Leche, but, I hear that some stores can make some of the seasonal stuff all year long, you just have to ask. PSL not one of them, requires a special mix. I admit to being the nerd who reads this: http://starbuck
Me: Nerd? No way! I am all over that one! I ask at every single Starbucks I go to–and that is many and all over Texas–if they can make me my Dulce de Leche. I even ask them to fake it for me. They never do. I mean, come on! How hard is it to fake it? Give me a break.
Me: It was their most popular coffee ever and they decide to go seasonal? Totally wrong and very wrong and just wrong.
Her: Totally harshed your mellow, did it?
Me: Totally. I tried other ones, but none can satisfy me like my Dulce did.
Me: Seriously, there are very few people I could have this conversation with who would not run screaming. This– THIS is one of the reasons I love you, man!
Her: What? This isn’t normal? Oh, my. I have some ‘splainin to do to some other people, then.
Me: Normal is merely a setting on the dryer.
And this is what you get if you catch me before 9:00am. Coffee talk. Coffee obsession. Coffee prayers and worship. But really, I do know how to talk about other things.
Who wants to IM about chocolate?
YOU ROCK! I would never run screaming from you, you speakin’ my language, yo.
This post is fantastic and hilarious! And I’ve only had two large cups with one espresso shot so it’s not that I’m just really really really excited to get some blog reading time. Swear.
A fine ode to my favorite drug/beverage. Java, you had me at “freshly ground.”
I Love You. I will have coffee with you any time. Did I mention I love you?
As a woman who didn’t drink coffee for her first 33 years- yes 33!-I wonder now how I survived without it. Actually it was my then 12 year old who got me started. I even gave up my soda addiction for coffee. And coffee is why I came to this blog, but YOU are why I keep coming back!
I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Your friend in caffeine and chocolate addiction…
Ah, that’s why I feel a certain kinship with you. It’s the coffee. It’s the chocolate. It’s the coffee. It’s the chocolate.
I have to come to the internet to find coffee freaks like me. I wish *sob* I had a friend to discuss the intricacies of the java with.
I am usually fighting being called a coffee snob and being held down and fed *gasp* INSTANT!
What am I? Chopped liver?
No one says I rock.
Going back under my rock, now.
And I thought I was addicted.
My fave is the Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha, going to have withdrawl symptoms after the holidays are over
Busy Mom ROCKS! Rockin’ like Dokken! (I’m just sayin’!)
you are AWESOME! I would talk coffee and chocolate with you…and that prayer..that is MY KIND OF PRAYER. I immediately sent a link to my best friend, who like me, is also useless before coffee.
and those people who think you are strange for talking coffee?! who needs ’em!?!
You just described me to a tee! Although my coffee ritual last well into the day and sometimes into the night!
This blog had me laughing so hard I almost split. I too am addicted to Starbucks. Even after working at another coffee shop for a few months I still love the taste of Starbucks in the morning. Our bank account feels that burn more often than it should. I finally figured out what makes a gyno appointment worth going to, the Starbucks in the same building!
“There’s nothing like a latte and a pelvic exam first thing in the morning!”
This was soooo funny!! I can TOTALLY relate!
I SO love this. And, I am SO blogging it!
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