Remember me? I do. Finally.

Remember me? I do. Finally.

Looks like I blew NaBloPoMo.  Bummer.  NaNoWriMo–still on track.

The alien in my belly (the one I refer to as Annie) is doing just fine and is under control.  God bless pharmaceutical America.

I am currently at my sister’s house with 2 of my 3 kids but minus a husband, child and dog.  I never want to leave the  haven that is here.  Somehow, I find myself here.  Well, at least I find myself in a calmer place.  A place where I do not worry about the things that have me worked up when I am at home.  I am working on finding my real me at my own home.  I know it takes time.  I will do it.  I have a game plan.  Always have a game plan.  Or at least know how to fake one.

Big and good things are going on with my career, but things I have to keep under wraps for now.  Things that I have been wanting for a long time.

In the last week or two I have made big decisions about work, life and what can bring me to a place of peace. I have begun to see friends and loved ones as they are and not always how I want (or need) them to be.  I am learning to love the people in my life for who and what they are with no strings or expectations attached.  They are who they are no matter how much things change.  It makes a difference.  At least to me and to my peace of mind.  And I am learning to let go of the people in my life who need to be let go of.  It is freeing and feels good to not chase after the relationships that are not right for me.  It never works.  I am okay with that.  Or at least learning how to be.

The holidays?  They are hard.  I am not so much liking them this year.  A lot of tears.  A lot of anger.  I can work through them with friends and family.  And a lot of writing. Writing that has eluded me for so long I thought it abandoned me.  Some day–  soon I hope– I can share all of it with you.  For now,  I am thankful to be writing.

I am learning to be me.  On my terms.   In my way.  The very best I can.

12 thoughts on “Remember me? I do. Finally.

  1. Aw Jenn, this is all so very good. The holidays? Fuck ’em. They’re over in a few weeks. The rest is going to stay with you a very long time.

  2. Same here – I don’t know what has been happening but I wish you strength to face whatever challenges lie ahead.
    There is always next year for NaBloPoMo. NaNoWriMo – good luck

  3. Good to see you back. Glad to hear you’ve got happy news on your writing! Can’t wait to read about it:)

  4. Take care! I mean it! I’ll keep reading, supporting you in the only way I know.

  5. The holidays are hard. Hang in there. They can only last until January, and then you get a whole new year to play with.

  6. Take care of yourself. Whatever life is at the moment, it sounds challenging. Good luck learning to be you. If you have any tips for us learning to be us, let us in on it.

  7. I’m glad getting away from home has helped you find some clarity and re-energized your writing. Sometimes a fresh perspective can do that.

    I’m so sorry for the tears and struggle of the holidays though Jenn. You are one amazingly strong woman.

  8. Wow. How I wish I was in the place where you are right now. Yeah there are tears and it is hard, and I am not dismissing that, but I wish I could honestly say that I can let go of those in my life that are toxic instead of staying up all night stewing and fretting.

    The best line?

    “I am learning to be me. On my terms. In my way. The very best I can.”

    I am so glad I found your blog. Those are words to live by.

  9. My darling if you don’t send me a phone number I don’t know what I’m going to do. Reading all these vague tales is giving me an ulcer — I want to know WHAT IS UP AND THAT IT IS GETTING OK (OR NOT.) I’m in SF with both kids and one’s girlfriend and her mom (these boys are growing up 8

  10. Out of lurking mode here…
    Holidays are rough for me as well. Too many losses to remember this time of year. However, each passing year helps me establish more of my own traditions and allows me to move forward, even when I would rather fall down and die.

    I am also in the process of finding self, and I am becomming more and more pleased with what I see. Letting go of people and things that are not positive influences on your life goes a long way into helping you live devoid of clutter. Good luck on sticking with the good stuff and letting go of all the other crap. Hopefully next year we will find ourselves looking back on the best year of our lives thus far. Good luck to you!

    PS – Love the blog… read regularly. Just not normally the chatty type…

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