I owe a deep thanks to a commenter who virtually smacked me upside the head with something that I really needed to hear. Kelley of magneto bold too! said something in her comment that picked me up, shook me and made me realize what is holding me back. I am going to post her comment in case you missed it. (But why would you miss it? You are reading my posts and commenting, right?)
I got rid of the toxic people long ago. Helps to have a kid with Autism, really brings out the true colours in people.
But you need to get rid of the toxic feelings at the same time. That one took a long time.
Good luck babe. I know you can do it.
You have no idea how much I needed to read that! I have to get rid of the toxic feelings first. And let me tell you something. I have some really toxic feelings about a few people who stabbed me hard last year. It is time to let that go and move forward.
Thank you, Kelley.
Now, share. What is holding you back from moving forward? What are you holding on to that is keeping you from finding the peace you need or the success you want? Let’s let it go together.
Wow! Excellent question. Something else I need to think about.
self-tal;k holds me back, for sure. I think it’s related to toxic feelings sometimes. I am working hard at being totally free – free of negativity, unworthy expectations, the chains of what we’re supposed to be. Slef talk can either hold me back or free me faster.
Oh, and maybe a spell checker, too. Yikes on that last comment.
What is holding me back is the fear that I can’t be a mother and a daughter at the same time. Wow, there it is, I just said it.
I’m working on it.
Your post hit a chord with me too. I spend years ‘hating’ and fretting over these people. That gave them power over me even when they didn’t know it.
I still find it hard to stop my heart beating that little bit harder when I see these people, that were a huge part of my life and so precious to me at one stage. But I choose to think of something else. I choose to see it as their loss, not mine.
It does make it all the harder when you know the venom was aimed at your innocent little boy.
I hope it doesn’t take you as long to learn this lesson.
So there are these shiny edifices around my town. They play host to cinematic creations and in a time not too long ago (circa 2004), my wife and I spent endless hours enjoying the dramas, comedies, and thrillers projected through the darkness.
Movies have vanished. I hear people speak of cinema, but it sounds so distant, so elusive. Apparently, awards are still presented on a yearly basis.
I want to move forward, specifically East, toward the cinema in order to regain a part of my life I desperately miss.
But three children, a thrice-embedded obligation to parent, prevents me from ambulating my way back to the movie theater.
It’s not my kids that hold me back. No, because they are cinematic and grand in their own right. But as always,there is an internal component that leashes me to my home.
I am hesitant to let go.
Letting go of toxic feelings is all about forgiveness…forgiving others AND forgiving yourself. It’s easier said than done though.
Wow, I need to meet more people who think like this. My children and I were hit hard last year by the destructive and negative actions of others. Although hard, it forced me to realize that I had given far too much power over my life to the people around me. I’m now working on eliminating as much negativity as I can and enacting positive changes. Sounds great in theory……really hard in reality. There are times I wish I could be as mean to those people as they’ve been to me, but I’m trying to learn to work through it and let it go. Right now I’m simply coming to terms with how toxic some of the feelings that I have truly are. We all need some new friends to reinforce us and get through this together!
That is seriously the hardest part. Because you can’t change those toxic people, yet you need to move past it. It is a hard thing for me to stop trying to change people and make them who I want them to be rather than who they are. And it is OKAY to realize this and move on without them.
Easier said than done. I know.
I have an Aspie kid and am dealing with some toxic crap myself. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you.
I, too, have a disabled son: blind, Asperger’s. My “toxic people” have usually been work related, and I had trouble getting myself together to find a new job because I kept saying, “It’ll get better.” Now that I’ve moved on, I feel much better emotionally and professionally.
Great post.
Someone who I thought was a friend has been trying to badmouth my husband and me to everyone we know. This vindictive behavior in her makes me so frustrated that I spent so much time with her over the past four years! Plus, I secretly always knew she was kind of nuts! What I want to get over, besides my anger, are the toxic feelings I have for her. I know time heals, but what am I supposed to do in the mean time?
Someone once told me: resentment is when you swallow the poison and hope the other person dies.
I think he got it from AA… That one sentence seriously helped me get over my anger at some family members that I had been harboring for years.
Yeah, toxic feelings are bad for you.