Why older people should not fall but rather leave those stunts to the babies

Why older people should not fall but rather leave those stunts to the babies

I was working on something telling you why I have been MIA when my son looked over my shoulder at the title and said, “That is wrong. Re-read it.”

The title was “Strep is a four-letter word I hate!” Okay, so strep is technically a FIVE letter word, but the way it has taken up residence in my home, it has become a four letter word. Sick Math: If you take “strep” add 3 [people] divide by 2 then you have a four letter word. So, yes, to me: Strep is a Four Letter Word. First my son brought it home and I trembled in fear. No! I even asked the doctor to put the rest of us on preventative medicine in order to keep the rest of us free of this dreaded invader. I pondered a HazMat suit, but I could not find one at a reasonable rate. I took every precaution short of moving to a hotel or kicking out my son, but none of it worked. By Wednesday, I had chills, a fever, ached everywhere and just wanted a fire hydrant to put out the pain in my throat.

“But I am okay!” was my mantra.

Thursday, Gabrie came home, hit the couch and was out cold. By dinner time her fever had sky-rocketed. Friday morning we dragged our sick, pitiful bodies to the doctor. And, yes, he did get an “I TOLD YOU SO!” glare from me. And that, my friends, is how I spent the last pitiful days.

Of course, being young my daughter is just fine and bouncing around. Me? I am still battling the on again off again fever, chills and “what kind of truck ran me down because I hurt and am too tired to speak” a week later. Getting old sucks.

So, if I have missed an email or two or owe you something, do not hesitate to send me an email. It may have been overlooked in my delirium. Because I tend to not say, “Hey, I am sick with a high fever and need a break.” I pretend I am just fine until I fall on my face.

Speaking of falling on my face, here is a bit of humor for you.

You know how they say cold and flu medicines come in non-drowsy versions? I say YEAH RIGHT. On Thursday I took a DayQuil and tried to work. (Forgive me for any contact you may have had with me. I was not in my right mind.) When it came time to pick up the kids, I went to the school to start the never-ending-always-in-my-van routine. As I walked towards the elementary school, I apparently either forgot that you must step UP when approaching a curb or someone pulled the curb out from under me. Either way, I fell ass over tea kettle flat on my face. When I say flat, I mean FLAT. Sprawled on the ground like road kill. For a moment I pondered whether or not I could have actually popped my right breast. It’s not even like I have implants, but it certainly felt like I popped it. (Not sure how I would explain that one.) And my hands? I forgot how badly it stings to get cement burn on your palms. That is some serious stingage. But the brunt of the fall apparently fell on my knee (and my right boob) because barring the breast poppage, the knee was in the (second) most amount ofagony.

This is why we all learn to walk at an early age. Besides the fact that we would look utterly ridiculous if we were a society of adults who only crawled, there is a much better reason. Falling when you are old and have a much farther way down to the ground HURTS.

And for the record, I don’t think anyone saw. At least, no one rushed to me in that humiliating concerned way to try to pry the Mom Road Kill off of the sidewalk. And no third graders pointed and laughed. At least I have that.

I also have this beauty (nasty after the jump) to show off. Or gain sympathy. Or just a reminder that cold medicine and walking do not mix well.

Since I did not actually pop my boob, you do not get a picture of that one. Sorry. And this is 5 days after the fall!


11 thoughts on “Why older people should not fall but rather leave those stunts to the babies

  1. Girl…believe me I understand the sickies taking up residence and driving a person batshit crazy. My son and I have been sick for three weeks. I’m ready to sacrifice myself to the grizzly bears. If there were any in my back yard, I mean.

  2. Jenn, two years ago, our winter looked like this:

    Nov – 3 cases strep
    Dec – 5
    Jan – 4
    Feb – bad, bad, 7
    March – 4
    April – 2 and the entire family did antibiotics.

    Have you put any arnica on that bruise? Does wonders for mine.

  3. Oh that looks painful painful painful. They have warnings not to operate heavy machinary but they say nothing about walking.

    Hope it heals quickly.

  4. I had just found your blog and you disappeared. I was beginning to think it was something I said… *g

    Hope you all get to feeling better soon. Glad you didn’t pop the old boobie!

  5. I’ll never forget the day I took a Tylenol cold non-drowsy and went to school. Thank goodness I had a student teacher working with me — I was almost asleep at my desk! I kept saying, “This nondrowsy stuff? It lied.”

  6. That bruise is a beauty!

    I would be making some story up about saving a bag full of kitties from drowning or something and bragging about it.

    Or find a way to blame it on my husband. But I am a biatch like that.

  7. Ugh! Strep throat, or any other sickness that just runs through the house. One by one taking its victims!

    I tripped up the steps on the way in to work a couple of weeks ago. My right arm caught most of my weight with my left knee taking the rest of the force. But, I did manage to hold on to my coffee. Don’t know what I would have done if I lost the coffee. Probably would have drove off and call in sick!

  8. Oh those bruises always get prettier before they get better. I’m glad no one saw, but that would have been some picture!

  9. owwww! That doesn’t look fun at all.

    I’m VERY fortunate to have a doctor that easily writes prescriptions for the family when one gets something nasty and contagious. We don’t fill them unless we need them, but at least we have them.

    We did miss you! Glad you’re back!

  10. It’s ridiculous how quickly kids bounce back. Just this morning, my 4-year old was standing next to my bed at 5:30 in the morning coughing up a lung, wheezing, with a beet red throat and running a fever. After a trip to Children’s Hospital and a couple of popsicles, she was running around chasing the cat and playing Hullaballo. UN-believable!

  11. 1. My daughter has strep. I’m beginning to wonder if she will ever feel well again. So far she has kept it to herself.

    2. My (same) daughter asked me the other day why adults don’t fall down much when kids do all the time. I told her it was because we’ve been walking for so much longer and hare better at catching ourselves. Except, of course, when a curb jumps up and trips you. D@#n curb!!

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