But you do have a pretty face

But you do have a pretty face

(Disclaimer: To those who went to BlogHer and felt that in anyway they were snubbed, hurt or brushed off by me, please email me. I was overwhelmed. I mean between my adhd and my anxiety, there were times that I had to mentally shut down. And, yes, there were times that I would be having an amazing conversation with you and then BLAM I realized that what blog you wrote for. I was just enjoying talking to you and it did not click! I just liked you. So I ask you in all sincerity, if I hurt you or made you feel badly in anyway, please email and tell me. I never, ever want to make anyone feel hurt or upset by me. I really am not a bitch. I am just too emotional and get overwhelmed too easily. With over 1,000 brilliant minds and women there, it is hard to not take it in and absorb all of that energy. So when I was barreling down the hallway, it was tunnel vision in survival mode. Forgive me. But please let me know!)

I can’t tell you the number of times I have opened and closed this browser trying to find the right words to talk about BlogHer. I am not sure there are any that will capture what this year meant to me. I am a four-timer, so I have all of the conferences to compare it to. I can say that I walked away from this one with the most positive attitude and best experiences of any of the BlogHerCons that came before.

This year I went with an attitude that i would take care of myself and have my own agenda rather than be at the whim of the crowd or someone who may or may not have the time to be with me. I wanted to catch up with old friends, meet people I have been emailing with for ages and have never met face to face and to make new friends.

I was able to catch up with some old friends. Some I was just able to only hug in passing but we both knew that it was due to the insanity of the weekend and not a lack of desire to spend time together. Some people that I really wanted to meet, I missed in the chaos. I hope we find time to at least stay connected online. Most surprising and wonderful was meeting people I thought I would “enjoy” but ended up absolutely adoring them. I mean, blog stalking (in a good way) adoring them.

I had deep conversations with brilliant minds. I had nonsensical conversations with tons of laughter. I had brief chats that I wish had been longer. I had long conversations that I wish would have never ended. I even got to listen to a most awesome Southern boy accent tell me not to take out my friends while driving like a maniac. (An under control maniac.) And I was able to be traumatized by the Michelin Man.

And then there was the book signing at Macy’s.

Wow. I mean, it was a surreal experience and makes me look forward to more of those and to my own book coming out. Thank you to everyone who stopped by and bought a book and got it signed. (If you didn’t and are interested, contact me.) I had a blast with the whole experience. Thank you for making it so much fun.

All of that I just mention? I will write about in more depth because I want people to know how much they touched me and for those who didn’t go, that it IS for you and YOU do belong if you can go next year.

But I need to get something off of my chest that happened. Something that slammed me against a wall. It had nothing to do with BlogHer the conference. But with one person. The shame of writing about it is so intense but I have to get it out so it doesn’t continue to eat me alive.

And then there was after Macy’s. When I met the meanest blogger of the weekend. All I can say is I am glad that her nametag was either hidden or not on because I would call her out for her rudeness. Our conversation went a bit like this:

Her: HI!! I loved meeting you. I just love your writing. Your personality is even bigger in person than online! You look like you are having so much fun! You are awesome.

Me: (blown away by such kindness) Thank you…

Her: You totally don’t look like your pictures. I didn’t expect you to be fat. You really don’t look it. I mean, you never talk about it. It really surprised me! Really. I don’t mean that in a bad way. Your face and all is so pretty.

Me: uhhhhhhhh……

Her: I hope you don’t take that wrong or anything. *giggle*

Me: uhhhhhhhhh….Yeah, I have to go meet nice people in the bar now.

Seriously? Yes. Seriously. What do you say to that? I immediately went to the comfort of my friends (hoping to find one of them who would want to kick some ass) but I never said anything because really? Who wants to repeat a conversation like that after being devastated by it? I didn’t want to relive that humiliation.

I get it. I know that between my meds, my depression and my thyroid, I have put on way more weight than I want. More than I am comfortable. I have a mirror. I get it. But to have someone say that to me. Well? It absolutely crushed me. Ironically, my biggest fear about going to BlogHer and what really almost kept me from going until 2 weeks before was my weight gain and the fear that I would be judged harshly. I was assured no one was that mean. (WRONG!) (I don’t blame you kind people who convinced me to go. I am glad I did. And who knew someone like this would be there and be so mean??) I am going to hope and pretend this woman was high or drunk.

Why would someone do that? Answer me that. Why?

And if it was you who said it, email me. Because really? I need to know why you did that.

I promise, the good stuff is coming next. I just had to get that out. The inner turmoil of it was eating me alive. I may delete this as soon as I hit publish but maybe if I put it out there, it will take away the power that awful woman has had over my mind. Let it go. Move on. Right?

105 thoughts on “But you do have a pretty face

  1. Relatively new reader here, just had to comment! Sorry its so long after your post.

    I totally get your pain and upset. I’m no skin and bones myself and a bit sensitive about it. Like you, medications and other stuff has me heavier than I’d like to be. I’d totally feel kicked in the teeth after that, too.

    Hindsight’s 20/20 and I usually come up with pithy retorts after the fact, so just know I’m not saying anyone could have responded differently in the moment, but there’s this:

    remind yourself and when you have the presence of mind in the moment, remind others that those who make comments such as that disqualify their work and credibility. I’d be tempted to respond with pity, maybe even putting an arm around the offender and saying, “Aw. That’s too bad. Now I can’t take anything you say or write seriously. My face, my prettiness, any of that is, immaterial. And so are you. Bye now!”

    That’s too wordy, I know. No-one comes up with stuff like that on the fly, but I hope you get what I mean. 🙂

    Crappy shallow people! Yuck. And as a sort of postscript, I agree with Barnie. Eat a cookie or two. That really DOES help, I swear. I highly recommend Newman’s Own chocolate creme filled sandwich cookies (like natural Oreos). Mmmm yeah, mood improver, RIGHT there.

  2. I feel your pain. At a conference, one of my colleagues met me and squealed, “You’re just like I thought you’d be! You’re so…” and she paused and said, “jolly!” Jolly is not a compliment. Jolly is Santa Claus – a big fat man in bad fur.

    Filters, people. You have them. Use them!

    So Jenn, ignore her. She probably feels like a huge ol’ ass now – and well she should. You are loved by many – just read on through your comments! 😉 And one pathetic comment can’t take that away.

  3. Jenn,

    As a long-time reader (years) and infrequent commenter (hardly ever) I cannot believe someone could be that stoopid. Oh wait, yes, I can. I am sorry someone actually said that to you, she must have been nervous, too.

    You are beautiful, and you are a kick-ass writer. I love the book, and was thrilled that you signed it. She was just intimidated. I bet she is just mortified that it came out of her mouth.


  4. Sorry, this is a tad late but…

    Jenn, c’mon you are seriously upset? Please… you gotta understand and have some more compassion, after all:

    Weight can be lost (or even removed via Lipo)

    Mood can be fixed with sedatives or anti-depressants

    Even sagging boobs, can be put back where they belong, or size adjusted… (I am not suggesting anything here, just pointing out it could be done if somebody was so inclined)

    but give this poor woman a break, after all

    You can’t fix stupid!

  5. Who says something like that? (Actually, I’ve heard some stories from BlogHer that made me cringe.) It was a stupid thing to say, and beyond rude.

    It would have crushed me, to hear it, too (like I don’t know that I’m carrying too much weight?).

    It’s in those moments, I wish for a clever retort. Like, “Oh, and I didn’t expect you to be an ass! But I don’t mean that in a bad way or anything.”

    Stupid people.

  6. Hi Jenn : ) I just started reading your blog and came across this post. I will have to read more, but I just had to chime in and let you know that I can so relate to your experience. You sound so much like me in so many ways – the add, the depression, the anxiety, the, um, little extra of me to love. . .I too am self conscious enough about it, know people are thinking it, but don’t really care to hear it out loud. It is loud enough in my head already! Like I don’t know. If you get a chance, read my post “Top Ten Reasons Why I Loved Going “Home” This Summer. . .” (july) It had been 11 years since I had visited where I grew up and I was not the person I had hoped I’d be by the time the flight rolled around. Food, being the first thing I talk about in my top ten, brought up the weight issue. I guess I am out of the closet now even for those who didn’t see me in person! I look forward to learning more about you through your blog! Take care, Michele : )

  7. Oh, please. You are not fat. I took out a fucking bouncer by shooting out of a wooden slide going mach 5 because I’m built like a linebacker. You’re positively fucking dainty in comparison to that.

    That’s when you wish you had said something like, “Wow! And I didn’t expect you to be a cunt! I mean, you have great hair, though!”

    I hope she gets a boil. On her taint.

    I’m sorry for the foulness of my mouth. That just really irks the shit out of me that someone would be so heartless.

  8. Wow. I don’t even know what to say. Well, yes… yes, I do, actually. She’s clueless. Completely and totally clueless about life and what it takes to be HUMAN. Her mother apparently skipped the lesson on how different people come in different packages and that what matters is a person’s heart and brain, both of which you clearly have in spades.

  9. Aw Jenn I’m so sorry that you were hurt like that. Some people are just completely socially DUMB. You didn’t deserve that. Wish I’d been there to say “WTF WOMAN? Say you’re SORRY.”

  10. Jenn,
    I can only echo what so many others have said here. Some people are born without “the flap”. Obviously, this idiot is one of them. Look at all of the wonderful people who have spoken up in your defense and in your honor, and know that you are loved. 😉

  11. Oh my, Jenn! You are beautiful, and your smile lights up your face! Most Moms have so many issues, how could someone be clueless as to nto know that would hurt you?

    I betcha she was jealous of your talent and beauty! Never stoop to their level. 😉

  12. Holy crap, that is just awful and I am so very sorry that happened to you. I can’t believe a person is so artless and rude. Wow. Just wow.

    I enjoyed the brief moments I spent with you and know that if you are Deb approved, you are grade A good people.

    I will say that almost every blogger I met was shorter in real life (except for Julie Pippert), which makes them almost like movie stars, right?

  13. We only had about 10 minutes outside. While I certainly do wish we had gotten to chat more – we have some stuff in our past and present that are similar and I would have loved to talk about it – I certainly didn’t feel snubbed by you.

    Now. This woman? I cannot understand it. IN THE LEAST. I mean, wow. Just wow. I’m so sorry. I can imagine how I would have felt – so I’m just so sorry for your pain.

  14. Well, it wasn’t me, ’cause I was in South Carolina. But I share your outrage. May karma come back to bite her–hard!!

  15. I must heartily agree with the commenters above that whomever this person was, that she has some deep-seated self-image/self-esteem issues.

    And, me-thinks she is also a very unhappy miserable woman. One, who if she isn’t cringing now at her horrifying gaffe, will Simply. Never. Get it.

    I’ve been reading your work Jenn, for a couple of years…though I have only rarely commented (under my former blog identity of Peggy)…I’m simply an enourmous fan of yours–your true, loving spirit always comes through.

  16. Wow. A very bad case of “No Filter Disease” indeed. I also have this trigger — No matter how old or accomplished I become, I will always be missing the plate in my suit of armor that allows me to be unphased by someone judging me for my weight. The fact that you were able to write about it so beautifully here demonstrates how evolved you are.

    As Tim Gunn would say, “Carry on!”

  17. I am with all of the women above. She’s toast, she’s history she’s a freaktard, asshat and she does not have a decent PUG. You made my weekend with your fun and laughter. I have the pictures to prove it.
    I am so sorry and what this bitch doesn’t know is if you mess with MY PEOPLE…MY JENN…you mess with the whole damn trailer park. It is SO on. You go on and forgive. I’m going to hunt her down like a spider monkey.

  18. Jesus, Jenn. I’m with lildb – between the two of us, we could have totally taken her down.

    Seriously, it makes my heart hurt to think of someone hurting you – kind, wonderful, beautiful you. I’m so sorry.

  19. Whoa! What a complete moron. I’ll bet she didn’t even think about what she said. It just poured out and in her bizarre little brain she interpreted it as a compliment. So sorry you ran into her.

    I know about the overwhelmed feeling too. I’m a publisher and I went to my first Book Expo this year. I had a plan and a map, but as soon as I got there I fell into a daze and spent all three days just wandering around, lost and confused. It’s a wonder I didn’t drool.

  20. What an asshat. I don’t know you but I love you already just for being willing to call her out on it. Too damn bad her name tag was hidden cause I’m feeling feisty today. 😉

  21. I love you for your big ol’ brain and your big ol’ personality (and your accent’s kind of cute, too). Repeat after me: Don’t let the bastards get you down. Rinse. Repeat. Etc.

  22. Jenn, I’m so sorry an incident like that marred what you described as your best BlogHer ever. I felt the same way — partly because I was one of the ones who was lucky enough to spend more time than usual with you. I spent nearly a dozen years being fearful of meeting people because I had gained so much weight after turning 40. I am going to be charitable and assume she was drunk and immediately regretted her words when they slip out, but nobody should ever say that to anyone.

  23. Her UGLY was showing–not a good look for her! But you are beautiful! And witty and
    wonderfully BRAVE for dragging the ugliness out into the harsh light of day where it
    loses its sting and writhes around on the ground and ROTS before vanishing completely.
    After we stab the bee-yotch a few dozen times, of course.

  24. Yuck. That is wretched, awful, and I cannot believe that someone could actually form those words at her lips. It makes me sick. And for her to say, “I mean, you never talk about it.” The hell? That doesn’t make any sense…she must be several french fries short of a happy meal.

    Ugh. I hope she reads my comment because I have this to say: Learn some manners, ya jack ass.

    I know, I’m stooping to her level, but it sure felt good putting that out there.

  25. Holy fucking crap! Clearly the Michelin people wouldn’t be happy with my mouth either, but WTF????

    I had my own encounter with a completely clueless and rude person who was insulting not just me, but all my peeps, and she didn’t know I heard her. When I called her on it, she just acted like I was a drama queen for being upset. Some people are just fucking idiots.

    You’re beautiful. Trust me when I say that when I met you the first thing I noticed about you certainly WASN’T your weight. I was too busy flinging myself at you and thanking the heavens I had the chance to put the beautiful words and the beautiful person together. xoxo

    P.S. Give me a description of the biatch and we’ll contact the NSA. I know people. (-;

  26. Jenn, you’re a goddess, and she’s an idiot. I hope when she sobered up and put away the crack pipe she realized that. You also won the prize for “Best Rack” among the MOMocrats, and there was some stiff competition there. I don’t remember you looking anything but beautiful, and weight has nothing to do with that.

    But, I will join with Bad Kitty in running her down and leaving some fancy Michelin tire treads on her if you need me too.

  27. How rude!
    That’s someone who is insecure with themselves and need to make others feel worse to make themselves feel better.

    I’m sorry that happened to you.

  28. Oh honey. I’m so sorry. Some poeple just don’t realize how much their words hurt, no matter how “in a nice way” they meant it.

  29. Oy!
    Bloggers who are good at sitting behind a screen and typing are sometimes not-so-good at other things, like you know: meeting people, and talking without a foot in their mouths. I’d imagine everyone at BlogHer was overwhelmed.

    I’m sorry that had to be such a slap in the face for you.

  30. Shame on her for such rudeness; I’m sorry that it hurt you. I think you can feel confident that this person undoubtedly alienates people on a regular basis if she yaps like this often.

    I think I would have given this woman a vague doesn’t-reach-the-eyes smile and asked her, “Oh, how nice, dear. Funny, I don’t have any idea who YOU are. Are you here with someone who’s a blogger, or just here on your own, hoping to learn about it?”

    Your post kind of rang a bell for me personally: I was rather displeased today to find that the way some folks have gotten to one of my highest traffic posts (“My Husband Hates My Haircut”) is through the search “haircut for fat woman.” I wanna say, ask me that to my fat face, biatch —

    Ahem … not that I’m hostile or anything! :oP

  31. i’m here by way of the slackmistress, and i agree with slackmistress’ comment. the reason, i am a total retard when i’m nervous or excited to meet someone i admire. as slackmistress stated, it certainly doesn’t excuse the crappy comment.

    i hope you take your comments to heart, it sounds like you have some awesome support in your life. based on your comments from other women, (myself included) we understand your pain.

    i hope you choose to believe in the women that know you and support you, rather than a crackpot with loose lips 🙂

  32. well, what a twat.

    I was not at BlogHer and now I’m glad!!! My butt looks like it could eat Manhattan.

    She was probably drunk, nervous, insecure or all three. Brush her off, she’s not worth worrying about.

  33. Sweet merciful heavens.

    All I thought when I saw you was how happy I was to see you.

    I wish I could have been standing next to you so I could have smacked that chick.

  34. WTF? Who was that rotten whore?

    Seriously, that garbage heap of a person so desperately needs attention, and so infrequently gets positive attention, that she seems to need to resort to antics to get the icky kind. Whoever she is, don’t post her name here so she doesn’t get any attention.

    Did I say she was a rotton whore? Let’s never think or speak of that rotton whore again. My three year old is more rational and polite than that.

    I am sorry she tarnished your evening. I looked up pictures on Flckr, and saw one of you, and actually just yesterday IM’d Jenny L. and said you looked fantastic.

    So rotton whore can suck on that. Rotton whore.

  35. A) You’re smart, funny and PRETTY. You rock!
    B) She’s D-U-M dumb. And now, also friendless.
    C) Let’s get us a hybrid SUV (with Michelin tires) and run her ass down!
    D) See A

    It was awesome to meet you, and I thought you looked great, especially your kick ass hair. Gorgeous!

  36. Get out! My jaw is on the floor. Could she really be clueless enough to not realize how hurtful her words were? I prefer to believe that’s the case because I hate to think that mean girls like that really exist.

    I think you are great and you brought on some of my best belly laughs of the weekend with talk of pugs and briefly hanging out after the Macy’s party. I was bummed that you couldn’t stay and have a drink with us. You were totally cracking me up.

    I agree with the comment above me that the mean girl’s comment is really about her. The little green monster got the best of her and putting you down made her feel better.

  37. OMGOSH. Yes, it is about her and not about you, but SERIOUSLY?!

    As someone who has put on sixty pounds in two years, I understand your fears. I regularly avoid friends I haven’t seen in a while because I do not want to be judged. That was awful of that woman and I hope she feels like crap for it.

  38. that is terrible, why on earth would someone say that? I am also hoping she was drunk or high, but most likely she is just stupid.

    I am bummed that I did not gather up the nerve to talk to you or the other famous people at the book signing table. I just admired you from afar. 🙂

    and cursed the fact that you could not accept credit cards b/c i really wanted a book but did not have any cash with me. So…if they are still available, please let me know. Thanks!

  39. I don’t get why anyone would say such a thing. I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is true or not- it’s rude. And the giggling? Good lord I might have hauled off and hit the girl.

    I am sorry I didn’t get to meet you at the conference.

  40. That was HORRIBLE. I think that some women are insecure, and when they are faced with someone who is successful at something THEY want to do well at, they will find something to criticize. Anything. Maybe this woman then had to tell you about it and call you down to make herself feel better, or she was just nervous.

    Still-no excuses, that was sooooo mean. 🙁

  41. Not everyone is a socially graceful as we are, Jenn (lolhaharofl). I’m sure that upon further reflection (and sobriety???), your admirer realized her gaffe and would love to properly apologize for it. In any case, I’ve seen pics and you look as lovely (and totaly photogenic) as ever. So there!

  42. I am appalled and shocked anyone would say that right to someone’s face, especially a woman!!! Good for you for not smacking her! She has no tact.

  43. My guess is she is a crappy writer and by “calling you out” for being less than model thin made her feel better about herself… but, look at it this way, you can lose weight, but she’ll still be a whore.

  44. Good God. First, I feel bad now for giving you a hard time for your tunnel vision. But we already understand each other on that one.

    Second, God grant me the strength to accept the fucktards I can not change. I learned a long time ago that you can’t argue with crazy and that shit was just crazy.

    Although wouldn’t it have been awesome if you had just slapped her right there? Or if I had been standing next to you and could have said, “Oh no you di’int!” and slapped her myself! Gah.

    Love you, Jenn. You know this.

  45. I feel your pain… and I am so sorry you had to experience it. What a shit! I wonder if she is always that damn clueless…

    I am sure she has no friends.

    Unlike you..

  46. I’m so sorry that this happened. I have to agree with most of the commenters above, that she most likely got swept up in a moment of foot in mouth.

    I hope she emails you, but she’s probably horribly embarrassed.

    Concentrate on getting healthy. I know from family history that thyroid problems are a bitch to deal with. Don’t worry about anything but getting your health straight.

    If you can feel healthy and fit, it doesn’t matter a whit what your weight is.

  47. Ah, jeez. I wish I could give this person the benefit of doubt and say that they’re just stupid instead of purposely mean, but unfortunately, I think that some people just can’t stand to see other people having success,and try to figure out ways to bring them down.

    Don’t let that happen to you. You deserve to enjoy the success you have.

  48. That’s just out of order. I didn’t realise it was compulsory to mention on your blog whether you carry a bit of extra weigh or not. I have to make sure I include that I’m fat in my next post.

    She’s right about one thing though. You do have a pretty face. I wouldn’t let anyone like that get you down. I’d be willing to money on her leaving after the weekend with not a single new friend and she may have lost a few. Her mouth obviously moves a damn sight faster than her brain.

  49. I can’t believe someone would do that. Low class, all the way baby.

    It’s hard to shake off though, I know. It’ll take real effort to remind yourself that one idiot doesn’t identify anything about you.

    Refuse to let her comment take power and walk tall knowing what you mean to all of the people who read you.

  50. She must have been sloshed. I can’t imagine anyone coming out with a comment like that if they had any wits about them. I’m so with you on not liking what I look like these days. Yeah, I have a mirror too.

  51. isn’t it crazy how some random rude ass comment from a stranger can take away all the good things you were feeling all week. Can strip away all your confidence and take your breath away.
    Sad thing is you will always remember that crappy comment over all the good ones you receive here. I say if you flew to blogher and didn’t need to pay for two seats your NOT FAT!

  52. As a fellow fucked-up thyroid sufferer, I FEEL YOU. Have the exact same feelings about going to things like BlogHer and even now, when I see pictures of myself from the conference this last weekend I’m blown away by HOW HUGE I look (especially when standing next to people who are not huge). And then I remember I’m not even as huge as I used to be. WTF? GAH. And the worst part is… I don’t even think I have a pretty face to make it “okay”.

    This gal HAD to have been drunk. No one would be that stupid or that bold to do that stone-cold sober.

    I agree with a lot of the commenters, it’s not your problem, it’s all HER. She’s got issues (obviously). You are a fabulous person. I’m bummed as all heck that I didn’t get a chance to connect with you. Next time, I hope.

  53. I think the woman’s comment reveals an almost pathological fear and hatred of fat. That really is a problem in her, and not something you should let bring you down in any way. Just look how well she relates to people – her thinking harms her so much more than it could harm you. Think of all the things she can’t do in life if she thinks fat is the worst thing that could ever happen to her. The fear would be debilitating.

  54. Oh how horrific. Hopefully she’s feeling the shame of hurting someone who is so kind and obviously caring. WOW, that’s just unbelievable. I sure hope that once in the comfort of your friends, you found that the people who count to you only care about the things that are wonderful about you.

  55. I’m sorry that happened to you. Because you know in your mind that it was a stupid mistake on her part, that it was her insecurity, that people think it’s okay to say things as long as they say, “I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

    But I’ve had that happen, and, well, your heart just needs time to get over it. Probably…and I hate to be the bearer of bad news as opposed to a shining beacon of love and hope…you never really will.

    You’ll remember she said that to you when you’re 80. The difference will be that when you’re 80 you’ll remember it and it will be attached to the memories of what you did after regardless of what she said, and you might even do something astounding (and I don’t mean go on a diet…check out my pic LOL) because of what she said and you may wish you could thank her for opening your eyes to something you didn’t know existed.

    Total. Blatant. Ignorance.

    Don’t bury your feelings. Use them.

    Of course, that comes from personal experience…your mileage may vary 🙂 But I have MAD respect for you for telling it in a public forum – it needs to be heard by everyone that this is not uncommon.

  56. I was not at the Macy’s party but I would have driven my ass back up to the city to kick some ass for you.

    How is it that we so love each other but we didn’t even get any time to chat? Oh yeah, it is because I felt just like you with the meds, depression and anxiety. Now I know why we were so in love.

    I heart you!

  57. First of all, how awful. That’s a terrible thing.

    The good news: that’s not about you. It’s about her, her insecurities, her flaws, her weaknesses, and her struggles. All I have heard about BlogHer is that it seems to bring so many of my friends’ (whom I think are awesome, amazing, gorgeous, and brilliant) insecurities to the surface. Like maybe hers. It does NOT excuse her. She is still a grownup.

    Good Lord, she might have you confused with someone else!

  58. I’m sorry. I hope it helped to “talk” it out with your readers. I know it helps me sometimes. People just don’t think sometimes.

  59. Holy crap. I cannot believe someone actually said that to you. That is so very wrong.

    I passed you in the hallway of the ninth floor of the Westin so many times, and you always had a smile for me and Christopher. I had already determined to come home and look you up.

    Then, Kristen gave me a copy of Sleep is for the Weak in the airport while we were waiting on our entirely too early flight to Atlanta Sunday morning.

    Last night, I was standing in my kitchen waiting for some breastmilk to thaw (why on God’s green earth am I leaving all this in your comments?), and starting flipping through the book.

    The first essay I read was yours. And I stood there with my breath held and tears running down my face. Then I flipped through to read whatever else of yours I could find.

    It may seem like I don’t have a point – often it seems that way – but I do.

    Screw her.

    You are beautiful. Your writing is beautiful. And I’m happy to have found out about you. Good for you for outing her even though we don’t know her name. I’m glad you gave us the chance to rally with you.

  60. I guess some people don’t know what it feels like. In a way I feel sorry for her. I mean really, I can only imagine a few pudgy women like myself have ran screaming bloody murder after her, chased her down hallways all the time asking “How do you like my cute face now?”

    sorry…i get carried away sometimes!

  61. Wait.

    You’re fat?

    I never noticed.

    I remember passing in the hallways, saying quick hellos that menat, I’d love to talk longer but…

    I remember your smile and your energy.

    I remember you looking just like I remember you.

  62. What. the. hell. Jenn, I’m so sorry your feelings were hurt. I had so much fun getting to see you – I think I saw you much more this year than last. I would hang out with you any time. Love you.

  63. My heart is breaking for you. I can’t believe it. I am shocked. Completely and utterly shocked.

    That’s one of my biggest fears – someone calling me out like that. You handled it better then I. I would have been crying instantly and probably packing up to go home.


  64. The worst part about those blindside rude comments is that you can never think of what you want to say or do in the moment. It is only LATER that you think that you could have slammed them to the floor by their throat while screaming “DOUCHENOZZLE!”

    As the other unicorns in the Charlie cartoon say “Shunnnnnn! Shuuuuuuunnnnnnn” I wish I knew who it was so I COULD shun them.

  65. Jesus lord have mercy. Why? WHY??????????

    Is it bad or presumptuous of me to say that this has nothing to do with you and how you look? Because after a lifetime of warding off comments about that most visible of features, I can say that it doesn’t. This has to do with someone else’s lack of common sense and big, fat, rude mouth.

    I wish I’d gotten to talk to you but I think we are all on overload…I did want to get a book signed but I got a little freaked out by the spicy vodka shots and never settled down. 🙂

    You rock, lady.

  66. Why is it that 1 bad comment (on a blog or in person) will always stick with us 10 times as long as 100 good ones? Karma is so gonna bite her in the ass.

  67. Oh, that sucks. That really, really sucks. I agree with a lot of people that she needs a schoolin’ with the clue stick, but I had another thought. She thinks you’re a rock star – clearly she approached you, she was nervous (the giggling and such.) Maybe her nervousness just took over? Have you ever spoken to someone who really admired or was/is famous and made a total ass of yourself?

    I am NOT excusing her insensitivity and you have every reason to be upset, and it sucks that once again we’re being qualified by what we look like. Usually I get that from anonymous hate mailers, never face to face. : /

  68. You are beautiful and wonderful in EVERY sense! Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I love you and I was honored. xoxoxo

  69. I just can’t imagine someone would actually say that…I’m guessing she’d consumed a bit too much alcohol.

    Hope you can move past that moment and enjoy the rest of your memories from the weekend. I’ll get there some year…

  70. That is so stupid. The only plausible explanation I can think of is that she was nervous and just stuck her idiotic foot in her mouth. We can only hope she walked aways saying to herself how stupid she was to say that. I am so sorry you had to deal with that.

  71. Oh my fucking GOD. I cannot believe that was said to you. Wow. You didn’t snub me, you in fact came up to me and floored me by telling me you enjoyed my panel. And that set me up on a cloud that I’ve been stuck on ever since. IF you’d came to me about it later I so would have helped you handle that shit. Or paid one of the bums outside to do it.

    Can you mail me that cheeseburger you were keeping warm between your tits? That’d be like the best souvenir EVER.

  72. Weight can be lost.

    Dumb and rude: those are things she will be stuck with for forever!

  73. I’ve been reading you for a long time but this is my first comment.

    I’m just floored at some people and their actions. Wow. I agree that what came out of her mouth is really an issue with her own self esteem and that it has nothing to do with you. She obviously has issues and I’m sure you aren’t the only person that left with their mouth hanging on the floor.

    I always hate those situations that literally leave you speechless, because after the fact is when I always come up with an ideal comeback, but by then it is too late.

    I’m sorry that anyone would say such a thing to you and hope the comments and time have helped you to process this unfortunate encounter.

  74. It was so wonderful to meet you at BlogHer and can’t wait to see you again! All of us at Mom Central absolutely love you, especially Karen K. 😉

  75. Jenn, I’m one of those who didn’t get to spend ANY amount of time with you, and that’s a regret that I have about 08. I wanted to talk to you about the amazing work you did on my proposal. I thought you looked amazing. Really, really pulled together and you always seemed to be enjoying yourself.

    I’m so sorry you were hurt.

  76. Heya Jenn,
    It really hurts when someone makes a comment like that about something you are already a little self conscious about.
    Whatever the reason she made that comment was never about you. The thought was created in her brain, missed a couple filters, and then came out her mouth. Her issue, not yours.
    But, the comment was made and it hurt. Rightfully so. Cry, yell, throw a tantrum, beat up a stuffed animal, eat another cookie. Then, when you are done “screaming out” all the hurt feelings, forgive her so you can move on.
    You are beautiful!

  77. As they say – mean people suck, but the worst part is they probably didn’t even realize they were being rude. Some people have NO sense of tact. I’ve read your blog for years because it makes me laugh and I enjoy reading about how you tackle life. In short – you’re hilarious. Don’t let clueless people get you down – you have too many friends in person and online who’ve got your back!

    Glad BH went so well for you!

  78. What an awful thing to say! Hugs to you – you’re still you, and if doesn’t matter what the scale says, you’re one gorgeous woman.
    If you end up doing a book signing in my neck of the woods, I’m coming to hug you! And to buy a book!

  79. That’s a woman who has problems with her own self-esteem. It really had nothing to do with you at all, is my bet. She’s probably feeling fat herself and what came out of her mouth is just what she was thinking other people thought about her. It’s sad, isn’t it? Especially since so many of the women who attended that conference are overweight and look totally comfortable with it. I mean God, is fat really THAT bad in the grand schema of things? To me, rudeness is a lot worse than fat.

  80. WE WILL FIND HER. AND MAIM HER. Let me tell you one thing: Gloria Steinem once wrote after a Smith reunion that no one was jealous about her successes – the biggest sin she had committed was to stay thin! I think women are so bummed by their (our) bodies that we just leak stupid stuff. I’m betting she was more nervous and stupid than intentionally mean. Or maybe so jealous of your gifts that she was comforting herself with something she though of as a flaw. Damn her! You are so gifted and loving and generous. And loved. And funny. And decent. And kind. And pretty. And radiant and full of life. Allow her no power to diminish any of these well-known facts.

  81. Wow. I’ll bet she’s seriously embarrassed right now. MANY times I’ve been in the position where I said something stupid and probably hurtful without thinking, and felt like shit about it later, but OMG – I don’t think I’ve ever stooped to that level of assclownery. I’m so sorry. I hope writing about it made you feel a little better!

  82. You DO have a pretty face. And you’re smart and write well and you’re hilarious.

    And she was rude and OMG out of line and I want to whap her with my cluestick. Hard.

  83. (((JEN))) I’ve been there myself. What a clueless idiot.
    (Karen Sugarpants– douchenozzle! HAHAHA!!)

  84. It sounds like someone (not you) is missing a sensitivity chip. That is horrid. And ignorant. I will hazard a guess that it was more ignorance on her part than meanness, but that doesn’t exactly make it ok either. I’m glad you wrote about it. If she is reading, hopefully she’ll come away learning something. I’m sorry your feelings had to be the springboard, though.

  85. God Jenn. That sucks. Please don’t let one person’s asinine opinion ruin the whole conference for you. You’re beautiful, smart, and one of the freaking funniest bloggers EVER! I wish I could have been there to meet you.

  86. What a douchenozzle! God!

    Brush it off though Jenn. Weight means absolutely nothing. You are a beautiful soul, a wonderful friend and an amazing person all round. Take the positive aspects from the weekend and hold those close to your heart.


  87. She did not. Nah. Someone could NOT be that clueless that they could actually open their mouth and say such a thing.

    Wish I was there, cause my fat arse woulda ripped her a new one, AND found every single tiny flaw and flaunted it for the world to see.

    Shallow? This chick is wading in the shallow end of the kiddie pool.

    Hugs babe, she is insignificant.

  88. Are you freaking kidding me?

    My mom calls it “Puddles of Dumb.”

    Are you freaking kidding me? That is astonishing that someone would say that to anyone. Please tell me you are pulling a prank on us? No? Unbelievable. Unacceptable behavior in any circle-most of all mine. Don’t mess with my Jenn.

  89. I’m pissed off for you that she thought a person’s weight or appearance matters. Another person’s opinion of you is THEIR business, not yours, and they can keep their opinions to themselves. And, “if you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nuthin’ at all”. Hmpf!

    A real DGI (doesn’t get it); how rude! Let it go, perhaps by occupying your mind with looking for squirrels on the top of telephone poles (which I did with/because of my son this morning, and it was a very therapeutic distraction from my angst of the moment).


  90. GODDAM, Jenn. wish you woulda told me who bitch was so I could nail her fuckin ass to a wall.

    um, i mean, i’m not into violence.

    except for when bitches hurt my friends.


    p.s. you know you are a hot motherfucker and I had a hard time not groping your sweet, sexy ass for most of the weekend? there. i said it.

  91. I am so sorry that person said that to you. This is one of the reasons I have hesitated about going. I haven’t gone yet and I don’t want to go until I’ve lost a lot of weight. Because there are people out there like this.

  92. Okay. I get the “pretty face” title now. I got that “pretty face” thing for most of my adolescence, teen and young adulthood. Even now at 44 I cannot really see what I look like if you know what I mean. My image of myself is horribly distorted.

    Some people are just idiots. As my husband likes to remind me, you can’t fix stupid. Even if you had known the woman’s name, she wouldn’t see harm in what she said. People like that think they are being compliementary (like the pretty face people I grew up with) and encouraging.

    It’s very hard to be a female in our country where our outsides are judged even more harshly than are intelligence and skill levels.

    I know this sort of thing can’t be “walked off” but try not to give the incident or the person too much power.

  93. I am so sorry someone said that to you! I don’t even know what else to say except that I’m sorry she made you feel bad. I met you at the book signing and I thought you were lovely.

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