Hi! I am Jenn’s arm. Jenn is sleeping off BlogHer so I am guest posting for her. I sort of don’t have her permission to be posting here, so let’s keep this between us. Jenn has wonderful things to say about the amazing weekend that was BlogHer but trying to get her to form a coherent sentence is impossible. So when I was approached by “Oh No You Didn’t” Magazine to do an exclusive interview regarding the “swagontrovery” of BlogHer09, there was no way I could resist. Just don’t tell Jenn. She doesn’t want me to discuss it. And really don’t tell her I took over her blog. Thanks! Jenn will be back tomorrow to post.
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ONYD: So I have seen you around the Interwebs on Twitter and on blog posts. I must say, you’re not very attractive.
Jenn’s Arm: That was rude.
ONYD: I thought that was the point. My bad. Okay, so I have heard several versions of what happened to you. One blogger went as far as to say that those marks are you look like a result of shooting heroin. What do you have to say about that?
Jenn’s Arm: Liz? She just needs to learn to blog with integrity.
ONYD: So you’re denying the resemblance
Jenn’s arm: You’re an idiot. Next question.
ONYD: Okay, so tell us in your own words what happened.
Jenn’s Arm: I was just hanging around when Jenn decided to go into the Expo area to actually talk to vendors. Apparently the eyes were not on the job because that place was packed. So, there I am just minding my own business when Jenn decides to go and do something dangerous and reckless like stop and carry on a conversation with a vendor about their product. I mean really! Who actually stops to talk to these people?! Grab and go! But no. As she stood there talking intently and was obviously not being rude or quick about it as she should have been, someone grabbed me from behind to get to the vendor’s swag.
ONYD: Wow! That must have been some rare or expensive stuff.
Jenn’s Arm: Not really. It might have been a bag with a pen or mouse pad or a sample of detergent in it.
ONYD: And that one person did that to you?
Jenn’s arm: No. The top bruise happened on a separate occasion from the one where you can clearly see the outline of the fingers that grabbed me. So, Jenn let me get marred so she could carelessly learn about a product she was unfamiliar with or carry on a conversation with some vendor. I mean, she could have used that time to let me grab stuff and elbow people out of the way. But, no. She just let me hang around.
ONYD: Did you see who did it?
Jenn’s arm: I am an arm. I don’t have eyes.
ONYD: You’re doing an interview.
Jenn’s arm: Shut up.
ONYD: Okay, moving on. Are you mad? Is Jenn mad?
Jenn’s arm: Jenn is not mad. She is heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. This put such an ugly light on a weekend that meant so much to her. She is sad. She is just very sad over behavior she saw, the backlash of it and what it has done to a community she truly loves with all of her heart. I feel bad for her heart, actually. You can’t see the marks on him like you can on me and they are deeper and longer lasting.
Am I mad? Oh, heck no! I am famous!
ONYD: Famous?
Jenn’s arm: Absolutely. I had paparazzi all weekend. My photo was taken more than Jenn’s. In fact, I have been approached for a book deal.
ONYD: No way! A book deal?
Jenn’s arm: Yeah. I even have a title. “Boom Boom Pow:An Expo-Say On the Quest for Swag” What do you think? Get it? Expo as in the Expo hall and Say as in I am saying what happened? Get it.
ONYD: Now you’re the idiot.
Jenn’s arm: I think this interview is over. Any last questions?
ONYD: Can I have your autograph?
Jenn’s arm: Talk to the hand.
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I think I love you, arm.
And hey, I hear black and blue is the new black.
So clearly my plan to FINALLY get to BlogHer should include full body armor?
Noted.
Hey arm, I missed giving you a hug. Along with the rest of Jenn and her infinite awesomeness.
It’s nice to see you again, arm (black and blue and all) but, I have to ask, did you get paid for this interview? Or, did you accept the gig outta the goodness of your fingers?
yikes! that’s just awful.
No words – just gentle (non-bruising, non-swag-full) hugs.
(((((hug)))))
I’m with your heart on this one.
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There are just no words for the awesomeness of this post. Arm, you did well. Just tell Jenn to post soon, ok?
I had heard about you, dear Jenn’s arm, but I thought you were just a rumor. At least until I saw you with my own eyes. I’ve been disgusted on your behalf since then. Give Jenn another hug for me!
Hilarious. But sad. Wow. Jenn’s arm deserves a nice red bandanna sling and a popsickle.
A funny and gracious take on what was certainly a violation of personal space!! Arm, I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Good gravy that looks just horrible. I am so sorry someone felt the need to assualt you for some free crap. I hope it heels quickly.
Holy cow how said someone wanted something so bad to bruise you for it.
What kind of person takes an arm into a swag war anyway?
Jenn,
Feeling your pain but loving your post.
-another Jen
This is Amie’s feet here. Offering to kick the a$$ of whoever hurt Jenn’s arm.
I’m glad that arm was wrapped around me several times during BlogHer, along with it’s mate. Had I been in close proximity of the arm at the time of assault, I woulda opened up a can of donkey punches on a BlogHer’s ignoramus ass.
Ya I don’t know what I just said either, but it was quite obnoxious.
Too funny. Sad but funny. I found you through mom 101. Can’t wait to read more on your blog… maybe at nap time. Ah precious nap time 😉
You see, THAT sort of behaviour would not have gone down had I been there.
I would have protected you with my awesomeness…
Big smootchy kisses for your sweet self.
And grabby b!tch, I am wishing for some bleeding haemorrhoids. With stubble.
Your arm is very brave…
Your arm and my baby’s face should like, totally get together sometime. I think you have a lot in common.
You all are so kind to My Arm (Though she did do this interview without my permission.)
@Kristen: LMAO! You are right. Arm had no place being there. My bad.
@Lindsay: After reading your post, you scare Arm. She will be hiding from you next year.
@Aimee’s feet: Kick away, my dear! I’ll hold your swag bag while you do.
@annettek: Arm is real. Just check snopes. hahaha I know people heard it and didn’t believe it. I had one person telling me all about it without knowing it was me until I showed her. She cried. I cried. We laughed. Then we hit each other. Okay, we didn’t hit each other.
@Michelle: Next year I am planning on wearing the Michelin Man’s costume. People will see my personal space that way.
@Liz/Mom101: Arm loves you right back and loved hugging you.
@Julie: HUGS galore are coming your way the next time we see you. We missed you, too!
@Liz/Full House: What? 😉 Actually, arm was not paid for this interview or given anything other than a wicked cool color change. Now the book deal…
@ All of you who saw the humor in the interview and offered gentle hugs: THANK YOU so much! You all rock! I appreciate it. Just taking the time time to comment on something so silly with such sweetness means a lot to me. Thank you for doing so.
My readers/friends/commenters are da BOMB baby!!
@Amalah: Oh I do need to team up with Ezra’s head.. We need to start some super exclusive group of the injured and leave people out and throw parties with great swag and create a huge buzz and…. (SO damn silly!)
It was so good to see you! I really am sorry that Ezra got hurt. My arm is no big deal . A BABY getting it to the head makes me ill. Kiss that little, adorable head for me, okay?