I have had so many things to say but have found myself in a position I swore I would never be stuck in with this blog.  I find myself needing to censor myself.  I mean really, when do you ever see me put an “*”  in the middle of a word so it suddenly is not such a curse word after all.  I mean, really? (That is my next post but this one became too long.)

I guess it started when I found more and more people in my real life reading my blog.  Now, I was outed  years ago by a friend who loved the blog and shared it with friends at school.  That did not bother me.  They commented or admitted to reading it or just flat out didn’t care.  I could be myself.  That is what this blog is all about.  It doesn’t bother me that people I see on a daily basis read this.  I have nothing to hide.  Not exactly.  It is just that it becomes a one way street.  They are allowed into my private life and into my thoughts but I am not privy to theirs.  It seems…off balance.  You can know me, but I cannot know you.  That doesn’t so much work for me.

Oh, but on the humorous side of this, I did have a mom from the school who emailed me a few days ago.  You see– for those of you just joining us– I am the PTA president at the school of one of my kids.    Now, if you have been here for a while that statement is STILL making you laugh.  I get it.  I do!  But this email was classic.

Dear Jennifer, PTA President,

I came across your blog the other day. (It wasn’t hard to find.  You might want to think about not being so visible if you are taking on such a big volunteer role.  Especially when the kid is so young.)  However, I found a few posts that made me wonder how you must be feeling about your words now.  These posts are not very flattering to the PTA and now you stand up as their president. It seems a bit hipocritical [sic]. I wanted to know how you feel about the PTA now and if you take back what you said now that you are “the leader” of the “Stepfords”.

From,

A Mom Out To Cause Trouble

Well, in answer to your question, pretty damn good.

Here is my response:

Dear Mom Trying to Cause Trouble,

I have two policies on my blog:  1) I do not delete a post UNLESS I have directly inflicted pain on someone unintentionally and 2) I do not say anything on my blog that I would not say to someone’s face. (Oh, and let’s throw in #3: No nude pictures. Of me.)

Thank you so much for pointing out these old posts!  I mean it!  It really reminds me what it felt like to be treated so badly and to feel so unwelcome.  Your email helps remind me I never want to make anyone who volunteers at the school feel that way.  You must be very caring to ensure that I am reminded of that bad time so that I can avoid it while I am in a position that holds at least a little bit of power.

Thank you so much for your concern and caring for our volunteers!

I look forward to seeing you at school,

~Jenn

For those of you who have been here a while, you are surely aware of what she is talking about.  For those of you who are new, here are links to the horrible, awful, no good posts I wrote.  Including trying to fake my own death to avoid the PTA.  (Again, I am not apologetic about my words.  I was working with women who were the Meanie Moms of the school and they had no problem excluding, belittling and bringing volunteers to tears.)

These posts (if you look at the year they were written) are old.  I still stand by them because I was treated in a manner that I hope a PTA volunteer at the school I am active in is NEVER, EVER treated.  It was a horrible time in my life and a horrible way to be treated by anyone.  Now?  Now I know I set myself up for mocking because of these old posts.  Do I care?  Sure!  I already feel like an outsider anyway. However, I am strong enough to take it.  I know that what I went through only made me more determined to make sure anyone who wants to volunteer is not only welcome, but praised for their work.  Whether it is one hour every other month or 15 hours a week.  They all matter.  They ALL deserve respect.  I am thankful for each of them!

So, Ms. Mom Trying To Cause Trouble, take your spite elsewhere.  If you want to volunteer, you are welcome to do so.  If you want to try to make me look bad?  Oh, honey, I do that enough on my own and really don’t need your help, thankyouverymuch.

Anyone else have stones?  Feel free to hurl them.  Trust me.  I can take it.