Hey, look at that! I am writing on my blog. Now, don’t faint or anything. Oh, wait, do I need to reintroduce myself again after such a long time away? Nah! You’ll remember soon enough.
I had so many things to say and write about over the past “not so much blogging” time but yet allowed myself to feel very restricted by people around me. Yes, I broke my own rule and let others silence me. Will. Not. Happen. Again. At least not for the reasons it happened this time. April & May just flat out sucked. No other way to say it. I allowed people who don’t care about me try to push me down. Oh, they can justify it. But, with every justification or excuse, I can come back with the written truth. (Save emails & voicemails, people.) or my version. But none of that really matters. In the long run, I saw some people for who they really were on the inside– not who they appear to be. I was pleasantly surprised with some, not at all surprised by others and very saddened to see the true colors of some who were once so respected. Thankfully, those who do care about me held me up, supported me and got me through better than before. And really, aren’t those the people who matter anyway? Those who truly do care about you and your family and not an agenda they have?
In the long run, what was meant to slam me down and break me, built me up and made me stronger and better. How? It caused me to take a step back and ask myself: What am I passionate about? I mean really passionate about! Not “I’ll do this because I have to, because I am expected to, or because no one else will” kind of jobs/activities. I am talking about what makes you want to jump out of bed and do it without the dread. Or the thing that makes you want to shout to the world that you are doing it not feel the need to self medicate to get through it. What are you really, truly, deep in your heart passionate about?
For me, that question was easy. I mean so easy it slapped me in the face with the obvious. My family is a given but let’s just put them first as to avoid any confusion. The next answer…DUH….writing. I become excited. I get happy. I find that I am energized and motivated and at peace when I am writing. The other stuff was filler. I am not saying I wasn’t excited and passionate when I started other things but that passion and excitement was ripped from me and caused me to really look hard at whether or not that is something I want to take up so much of my time. The answer was no. I could dig in and fight. I had the support from the ones I needed it from but it wasn’t worth it. It didn’t define me. It wasn’t something that I wanted to take time away from my family for in the long run. I stepped out of my comfort zone, out of my bubble, took a huge leap of faith and it didn’t work out. That happens. There are people who are passionate about it and do live for jobs like the one I had. I am not one of them. I support those who find their peace and purpose in it. Choosing to leave wasn’t hard in the end. I lost friends, gained new friends, strengthened some bonds and broke others.
Was it all worth it? Well, when it caused me to look long and hard into myself, my passions and my life…yes. Maybe I had to come full circle to get back to being my authentic self. I would never question that or regret it. Life may take us down painful paths, but in the end, when you find where you want to be and where you are the happiest and most at peace, your journey is worth it.
I’ve come full circle.
And I’m better for it.
What are you truly passionate about?