Is that a headache you have or are you a before picture for botox?
Seriously? This month of “let’s do all this writing stuff” coming at the same time my head decides to try to implode is just cruel. But no worries. I hear that my skull is tough enough to handle my headache and most likely I won’t actually suffer from brain implosion syndrome. I read it on the Interwebs so it must be true. So hear I sit trying to pretend to find something brilliant to post while medicated and still in pain. The following is what I came up with after being asked eleventy million times which picture best described my pain level. Good luck in following it.
Those charts they have in the ER with the various faces to describe your pain? Yeah, they need to make those more dramatic. And with better captions. Like the first one, pain face 0? It should be “I have a unicorn at home and you don’t.” (Though I do like that it says “No hurt” rather than “No pain” which makes it sound much more like a reggae song. “No frowny. No hurt.”
Pain face #1 just shouts “I use too many emoticons so unless you turn that sideways, I am not sure that you are kidding. Are you kidding? Just kidding.”
Pain face #2 is more like “If I just sit here and stare at you long enough, I may be able to hypnotize you and make you cluck like a chicken.”
Pain face #3 looks more like “Dammit, I just farted and there is no one else around to blame it on.”
Pain face #4 is all “I’m going for the emo look and you should respect my pain cred, yo.”
But #5 is more like “I just heard they cancelled Glee and where am I going to get my show choir fix now? I’m going to need a lot of ice cream this week.”
They need to add #6 where the smiley face is all red, pissed off, and looks a bit homicidal. Now that would be way more accurate. Stabby. They need to add “stabby” for one of those. (Sidenote: Doctors don’t find it humorous when you say you are pain level 6 and all stabby. They get all nervous and shit.)
Right now, my pain level is Pi(e). No. Not 3.14 but “I need pie because the medicine they gave me makes me feel like a college kid who totally has the munchies and even though my head still kind of hurts, I am pretty sure pie will fix it all.”