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Author: Melissa

Admission

Admission

I didn’t mention this to Jenn before because I fear it could put a wrench in our friendship. Also, I didn’t think she’d let me be a guest blogger at her site if she knew this dark secret about me. (Darker than the roots on the top of my head.)

I don’t drink coffee. There I said it.

I don’t take it black, like my men or creamed or with sugar. I don’t order a “half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon” at the coffee shop.

I go to Starbucks for the WiFi and I drink a diet coke.

I’ll let you all recover.

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Contrast

Contrast

Today I’m struck with the contrast of Jenn’s beach vacation and my life.

Today I started officially Potty Training my son. I potty trained my daughter at 2.5 and she was actually very good at it. I had hoped, in spite of all appearances, that my son would be very good at using the potty also.

I was wrong. He’s horrible at using the potty. All this urine is affecting my ability to guest blog.

I keep picturing Jenn on the beach with a tropical drink…I picture that as I wipe urine off my floor. I picture that as I remove all the cushions from my long suffering sofa. I picture that as I do another load of urine soaked laundry.

All I can say is I hope Jenn is having at least as much fun as me!

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Preparation H

Preparation H

A few weeks ago Jenn mentioned Preparation H is not only good for shrinking hemorrhoidal tissues, it’s also great for shrinking the bags under one’s eyes.

I’ve always thought I had bags under my eyes, but I didn’t think they looked that bad. I thought I was hiding them fairly well. But then I bought a digital camera, and suddenly there were a lot of pictures of me. Some of them taken by me, trying to analyze exactly how bad the bags had gotten.

362 pictures later, it’s not just my imagination. I have horrible bags under my eyes and they require shrinking.

Once I realized the horror of the bags under my eyes (thanks to my obsessive and disturbing digital photography) I decided to take Jenn’s advice and put Anal Ointment on my face.

(Forgive me God, for the Google traffic I just brought unto Jenn.)

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