Jenn Satterwhite

I’ve been trying to write every day. I have been doing it so far. But the drivel I am putting to paper is shameful. How in the world did Hemingway and other fellow writers create such masterpieces while drunk, drugged, or in some way out of their minds? I can’t believe I used to take on a daily basis at least 4x the amount of meds I am taking now and I went about my every day chores and errands without even a blip on my “derp-o-meter.” But now? Ohhhhhhh, I am derp to the extreme much to the amusement (and frustration) of my family.

Me to my husband: “Can you go to the…that place…you know…that place we go…uhhh…they have things you buy… you know what I mean…that..what do you call it??”

Husband: “Do you mean a grocery store?”

Me: “Yes! Words are hard.”

And then I was embarrassed so I became all “I’m good.” I tried to convince him I was just kidding. We both knew better.

What I love about this so much is that I HATE IT! I really don’t like the medicated feeling. I don’t like feeling so fuzzy and out of it. Once I was all about the high. Now? I truly get frustrated and cannot stand that this is where I have to be right now.

Before you ask, yes, I have spoken to my sponsor and keep this closely under observation. And, yes, I spend most of my time sleeping so that 1) I don’t feel as much pain and 2) so I don’t have to feel that icky feeling.

But I write. Because I said I would. And so I am.

If you think this sucks, try reading my NaNoWriMo work. Now that? That is pathetic. But? I am writing and that is what I need. Now more than ever.

PS- I am doing MUCH better and am way more successful so far at NaNaTaMo. I RULE that one.

So, how YOU doin’?

So my boys got me hooked on the show Breaking Bad. Yes, I see the irony of me being a recovering addict hooked on a show about meth and such. But you see, while this show has absolutely amazing actors and the writing is beyond incredible, some of the stuff they have on that show will totally freak your mind. This isn’t Disney, y’all.

So add in a little bit of not quite right thinking because your doctor put you on some heavy medication, that show will mess you up! I was watching it tonight when my middle son came in and was all, “MOM! I told you not to watch that before bed. I would think you would realize that also means while you’re in a somewhat altered state. Go watch Glee. Or Mad Men. Or some fluffy show you have on the DVR.”  (Yes, I was reprimanded by my son. But he was totally right.)

Can I just tell you that when I fell into a bizarre sleep I did dream about Walter White (from Breaking Bad) trying to do a musical with the kids from Glee in order to launder his meth money but they had to make sure not to infringe on Stefano (from Days of Our Lives) territory. Now that, people, is a jacked up dream. And though it freaked me out, it gave me a blog post. And isn’t that really all we want during NaBloPoMo?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Seriously? This month of  “let’s do all this writing stuff” coming at the same time my head decides to try to implode is just cruel. But no worries. I hear that my skull is tough enough to handle my headache and most likely I won’t actually suffer from brain implosion syndrome. I read it on the Interwebs so it must be true. So hear I sit trying to pretend to find something brilliant to post while medicated and still in pain. The following is what I came up with after being asked eleventy million times which picture best described my pain level. Good luck in following it.

Those charts they have in the ER with the various faces to describe your pain? Yeah, they need to make those more dramatic. And with better captions.  Like the first one, pain face 0? It should be “I have a unicorn at home and you don’t.” (Though I do like that it says “No hurt” rather than “No pain” which makes it sound much more like a reggae song. “No frowny. No hurt.”

Pain face #1 just shouts “I use too many emoticons so unless you turn that sideways, I am not sure that you are kidding. Are you kidding? Just kidding.”

Pain face #2 is more like “If I just sit here and stare at you long enough, I may be able to hypnotize you and make you cluck like a chicken.”

Pain face #3 looks more like “Dammit, I just farted and there is no one else around to blame it on.”

Pain face #4 is all “I’m going for the emo look and you should respect my pain cred, yo.”

But #5 is more like “I just heard they cancelled Glee and where am I going to get my show choir fix now? I’m going to need a lot of ice cream this week.”

They need to add #6 where the smiley face is all red, pissed off, and looks a bit homicidal. Now that would be way more accurate.  Stabby. They need to add “stabby” for one of those. (Sidenote: Doctors don’t find it humorous when you say you are pain level 6 and all stabby. They get all nervous and shit.)

Right now, my pain level is Pi(e). No. Not 3.14 but “I need pie because the medicine they gave me makes me feel like a college kid who totally has the munchies and even though my head still kind of hurts, I am pretty sure pie will fix it all.”

 

 

 

November 1st:  The day the craziness starts.

First up:  NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) where I am to post here every day this month. (This drivel counts.)

But also NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) where I AM going to conquer an entire novel in one month. (I wrote some this morning but not enough but I did start.)

Yes. I am trying BOTH!

And my dad’s birthday.
And mah birthday! (November 7th for those taking notes.)
And Thanksgiving.

And…

NaNaTaMo (National Nap Taking Month) where I commit to taking a nap every day this month.

So how am I doing so far? I am blogging from the ER on my phone (dedication, people) because of my headaches.  I mean I am in the ER because of my headaches not blogging on my phone because of my headaches because if you think about it that would totally make it worse. My headaches. But probably my blogging too. Not a great start. Maybe that means an amazing ending.

So here’s a cute picture I have on my phone of my Dobie who is totally humiliated that I put a silk scarf on him. Enjoy the adorableness while I wait for the meds to kick in and to see unicorns and finally understand the words to In-A Gadda-Da-Vida.